Blog entry for:

the common good. it is quite true that neither harmony nor the common good ever entered my mind in active addiction. manipulation to get my desires, may have looked as if i was attempting to live in harmony, but there was always and ulterior motive to bolster my good at the expense of the common good. chaos was my friend and dissent and disunity were how i covered my tracks. even in early recovery and my service efforts to aid my fellowship were still centered in my desires and not necessarily in the interest of the still suffering addict or our common good.
these days, my service efforts are extremely limited, but certainly are focused on being a harmonious part of the common good. staying away from committee service and focusing on carrying a message to the still suffering addict, has created a new paradigm within me. that new “look” allows me the freedom to interpret the service efforts of my peers through a new filter, rather than basing it on what i “think” is the right course of action. the filter? will what they are proposing allow just one more addict to find recovery, and does it go against the traditions as laid down by our predecessors? if it passes that particular “stink test” i am more than okay with wholly supporting their efforts.
what i have discovered in the course of my recovery, is that my opinions have very little long-lasting status. i may be all up in arms about something, but in the long run, whatever has set me off, seems to pass, when i let it go and the fellowship is in no need of my overt protection. it is odd that i feel a bit embarrassed about some of the stuff i started, way back when, that is still being used. i have to look at that as something the fellowship found to be helpful and retained, rather than a comment on how “well” did my job and influenced those around me. anyhow, this morning, as i catch up on my clean date congratulations, i am struck by how far i have strayed from being present for my peers. of the excuse could fly, trekking in Africa, the death of my Mom and so on. what it comes down to, is allowing myself to be distracted by all of that and slipping into a state of oblivion, rather than taking the steps i need to remain in the here and now. just for today, i will work to foster a bit of harmony in my life and the lives of those around me and be okay not knowing if any of my efforts goes towards enhancing the common good.

∞ DT ∞