Blog entry for:

of my commitment to recovery seems to be a topic i come back to on nearly a daily basis. it would be wonderful to say that i never doubt, feel put out or have the desire to medicate away whatever issues or feelings i may be having. i leave that for those amongst my peers who are a bit more optimistic in their outlooks on life and their recovery. for me, pointing out the pebbles, stones and boulders that are part of my daily journey is just who i am. the HOPE in that message is that no matter what the day throws at me, i am prepared to use whatever i need to use, to stay clean and remain an active part of living a program of recovery. that HOPE demonstrates the strength of my commitment, rather than just quoting bumper stickers and pretending that i am some sore of uber-serene recovery guru. the fact of thew matter is, i have a ticket to ride on the carousel of life and most of the time, it is not smooth sailing, it has it ups and downs and its bumps and grinds, BUT it is worth the price of admission i paid, way back when i decided that i was going to recover, rather than just remain abstinent.
okay, i get it, i have yet to say anything at all about the topic of the reading today, specifically my partnership with the POWER that fuels my recovery. as much as i would love to deflect from the whole HIGHER POWER bit and about how powerless i am over addiction, it just is not possible for the addict to detach from that reality. even though i have been clean for a minute, i still understand that as an addict, i NEED an external power source to fuel my active recovery. i could walk away and see what happens and for the most part, i have detached myself from the local fellowship, save for the weekly meeting of my home group. my personal commitment to my everyday recovery routine has strengthened because of the reality that is my life and the fact that i have the strength to get up and face each day in the brave new world, with folks such as this, is a testimony to that commitment. i want to be better, act better and live better and the only way i have uncovered to do that, for me personally anyhow, is through an abiding FAITH in the recovery fellowship and program that has led me to the POWER that fuels my recovery. i am clean today and i have the desire to stay clean today. i also have the desire to get some miles in, before my phone starts ringing again and i have to be my best possible profession self, just for today.

∞ DT ∞