Some memes

they can be analyzed, counseled, reasoned with, prayed over, threatened, beaten, or locked up, but they will not stop until they want to stop, it true for more than just the addict who is still using. as i am discovering through living examples in my life, that applies to those who are not addicts as well as though who look safely ensconced in their recovery. the fact is, in all of those cases i am powerless to do anything about their condition, until they wake up and smell the coffee, as it were. i have seen peers in the program so caught up in being “right” that how they did things, and who they bulldozed, bullied, cajoled and dismissed were less important than the effects of living in self-will. i have loved ones who believe they are helpless and are becoming more so every day. i could go on and on, but the point i am driving home is that no matter what i say or do, until they decide they might want change, they will not change. how do i know this, it has been a fact of my life, since time immemorial. no one, not a soul, could tell me anything and the louder the got, the more dire the consequences were, the more adamant i became about maintaining that course of action, until it landed me into the rooms of recovery.
i have to admit, this recovery gig has been no cakewalk by any means. i fVcking hate change and since getting clean and becoming a member, change i all i got. day in and day out, i learn something new, see something that i have overlooked and feel stuff i never felt i was capable of feeling, especially frustration when my attempts to help are ignored or dismissed. as i was reminded by my sponsor and my spouse yesterday, being powerless SUCKS, but is a state of being that rules the lives of just about everyone that is on this side of the lawn. more than once i have invested way more in someone else's life or recovery,m than they were willing to invest and in the long run, it did not matter, they still did what they were going to do, much to my chagrin. what it all comes down to, at least for me, is to make my suggestions, let others see that there is HOPE to find a different manner in which to live and that no matter what, accepting change will not kill me.
today, i am certainly doing something different. i rearranged the crystalized water that fell from the sky last night, instead of marching on a treadmill or around an indoor track. i am headed out to the cigar store to do some training before i get my new crown. maybe the next few days i will get a break on the job front, but in the meantime, i keep plugging away at it and wait for unemployment to make a nice little direct deposit into my account. anyhow, it is a great day to be clean. it is a great day to look at my stuff and let the stuff of others fall by the wayside and yes, when it gets into the thirties this afternoon, get a bit a of a walk in, after all sitting on my ass all day, will only make me fatter and not fitter.

∞ DT ∞