Some memes

as i shared last night i have not yet died from a feeling, although i have often thought this or that feeling would kill me. the problem i have, which was plainly stated in the reading is that i judge events and feelings based on some criteria that is probably no longer valid. somewhere down the line, someone, or something told me that if this or that happens to me, it has to be either good or bad. my feelings, events in my life, and the attitudes of others about me, all have to fit somewhere on that scale of good and bad, and if they do not, i need to analyze and pound them into a semblance of something that can either be placed on one side or the other.
so here i sit, after reading a supportive message from a friend that has not been in contact for a few weeks, trying to analyze my filter of good and bad and attempting to put the morning’s events into that context of either or, you know all that binary bullshit, that i have been taught or cultured into believing. do i want to grow? of course! do i want to take some risks, well maybe! am i afraid of the results of those risks not being to my liking? ahhhhh, that is the rub! yes i am afraid of outcomes, even this far down the road and perhaps that will never leave -- so that fear is neither good or bad (see i can do it)! recognizing my fear and moving forward may not be the safest path for me to follow, but it will lead to the greatest rewards, emotionally and spiritually, and if i must put into a class that would be a good thing! :-0 and good things are something i want today!
however, the way of growth for this addict is to learn how to accept what happens as it simply is and not have to classify it as good or bad. yes many events may appear to be bad and may allow me the chance to feel sad, or angry, but are they really a BAD thing? and are the feelings of sadness, remorse, anger and regret and worse than joy, ecstasy, love and fulfillment? an interesting question for me to ponder over the course of my day!

∞ DT ∞