Some memes

is hard to do, when one is not sure one may be. after decades of hiding in plain sight, three or four years is barely enough time for me to get a good start on figuring out who the authentic Don, just happens to be. what i end up doing, on most days anyhow, is respond to what i am feeling, in a way that feels the closest to the next correct thing to do. as more is revealed through living each day as the best possible version of me, i am sure that over time, my approximation of being authentic will morph into just being me.
what i heard this morning, however, felt like a hundred different tangents, to block me from considering what i might be like, to live as myself and not worry about what others did or did not see in me. this has always been an overarching concern of mine and as i alluded to earlier, decades of practice creates a strong and seemingly overwhelming amount of inertia. in my life today., there are more than one of my friends and men i sponsor, who are stuck in the grip of inertia. i use what i see their lives look like, to come to terms wit my own. i really and truly do not want to be a slave to trying to figure out what others want me to be and in turn, presenting that façade to the world. each day, i get a bit better at being true to myself and to being that self, even if it feels cringe-worthy to me.
moving into my day, i am dealing with the side-effects of a massive amount of antibiotics that were give to me as part of my prostate biopsy the other day. no need to go into further details about what that may be, but it does mean that i need to stay close to the bathroom facilities today. it is a good thing that i have been a denizen of the Rec Center the past couple of weeks. there is certainly an advantage to being a gym rat, especially in my  tender” condition. just for today, as i walk through this day, i will do my best to put away what i think i want others to see, and just be who i truly am, genuine, whole and self-assured.

∞ DT ∞