๐ฒ it took a ๐
Posted: Tue, Nov 4, 2025 10:30:15 AM
very long minute for me to figure out the difference between sex and intimacy, as i thought those two words were synonyms. the first time i heard someone sharing as if they were not interchangeable, i was more than a bit shocked, as i had always used getting intimate as a polite way of saying “time to get down and dirty and rut like the pigs we are.” i may not be the brightest bulb in the box, but the difference between those two terms eluded me for a huge part of my life and discovering that i did not realize it, was a bit embarrassing.
today, i know the difference and i am glad that i had enough patient peers, closed-mouth friends and sponsors to teach me how to be intimate, as i was closed off from the world and kept everyone at a distance for what i would say was their protection, when in reality it was all about assuaging my FEAR. as my recovery progressed i learned that i could allow others to see me and they would reciprocate, often before i let them in. i could see that they did not get humiliated, mocked or put down, when they shared the intimate details of their lives. it gave me the courage to face my fear, walk through it and start my process of opening up to reveal who i truly was.
i am still in the process of being open and showing my true self, as i am more than a bit confused who i am, after exploding the mythos that kept me sick for decades in my recovery process. my biggest regret is that my relationships might have been deeper had i not believed i had already handled that lie and moved on, the first three times through the steps. i guess, for me, the fourth time was the charm!
this morning, as i muddle through the mish-mash of the day that i have been given, i can be grateful that i do not have to manage every aspect of who i am showing myself to and what it is that i am revealing. my days of hiding in the shadows in plain sight are over and as i step out into the light, i can take the chance of being intimate with little regard of worrying what someone else will think of me. what someone else thinks, after all, is none of my bidness. 😉
today, i know the difference and i am glad that i had enough patient peers, closed-mouth friends and sponsors to teach me how to be intimate, as i was closed off from the world and kept everyone at a distance for what i would say was their protection, when in reality it was all about assuaging my FEAR. as my recovery progressed i learned that i could allow others to see me and they would reciprocate, often before i let them in. i could see that they did not get humiliated, mocked or put down, when they shared the intimate details of their lives. it gave me the courage to face my fear, walk through it and start my process of opening up to reveal who i truly was.
i am still in the process of being open and showing my true self, as i am more than a bit confused who i am, after exploding the mythos that kept me sick for decades in my recovery process. my biggest regret is that my relationships might have been deeper had i not believed i had already handled that lie and moved on, the first three times through the steps. i guess, for me, the fourth time was the charm!
this morning, as i muddle through the mish-mash of the day that i have been given, i can be grateful that i do not have to manage every aspect of who i am showing myself to and what it is that i am revealing. my days of hiding in the shadows in plain sight are over and as i step out into the light, i can take the chance of being intimate with little regard of worrying what someone else will think of me. what someone else thinks, after all, is none of my bidness. 😉
∞ DT ∞