🗸 checking in with 🗹
Posted: Sat, Jan 3, 2026 01:10:59 PM
the POWER that fuels my recovery, guides me toward what is real -- about myself, my decisions, my mistakes -- rather than relying on what my mind tells me. even though i have learned to trust myself and my decisions, most of the time, i can still lapse into places that are hardly spiritual. what i shared at my home group this morning, was the part of me that i call addiction, whispers, rather than screams, about how flawed i am and about what little progress i have made. it was so much easier to counter those lies when i was being screamed at, rather than barely hearing the whispers. i am glad and grateful that this set of steps is all about moving into a new place, when i comes to living a spiritual life and walking outside of the expectations i place on others. those expectations and when they fail to meet them, boomerang on to me, an i am the wretch who is caught up in the chaos of the my self made whipping post.
as i sit here, pounding this little ditty out, before i go and do my retail gig, i am beginning to sense that even though i believed retail was out of my wheelhouse, due to be a social retard, i am seeing that probably neither of those assertions are true. i may not have been a social creature for the longest time, but i am discovering the art of small talk as i greet and meet with my customers. a trusrt0ted friend and peer told me straight up the other day, that i do have social skills and i am capable of navigating social situations that i may still believe are beyond me. my adventure in retail are certainly reinforcing his assertion.
as i consider m,y journey to this point in my life, i can say that the last year threw me a twist i was not prepared for: retirement. learning to live within my means and still enjoy my life is only part of that transition. the other part is my identity as someone who is basically outside of the workforce after five decades. yes, i have a part-time job and yes next week is way more hours than i really wish to work. the caveat here is that being a part of a team, is certainly a social skill that required more than a bit of polishing. polish as i will, i am becoming someone i barely recognize on some mornings. that person is more inline of who i once believed i was, but was afraid to be, after all, if i allowed others to see how “broken” i was i would have no one in my life. as it was, i barely had anyone anyhow, so all those years of jazz-hands and tap-dancing really did me no good and certainly left me without any sense of who i was, or worse yet, who i could become. just for today, i am moving forward into uncharted territory and i will need the help of my sponse to navigate the landmines.
as i sit here, pounding this little ditty out, before i go and do my retail gig, i am beginning to sense that even though i believed retail was out of my wheelhouse, due to be a social retard, i am seeing that probably neither of those assertions are true. i may not have been a social creature for the longest time, but i am discovering the art of small talk as i greet and meet with my customers. a trusrt0ted friend and peer told me straight up the other day, that i do have social skills and i am capable of navigating social situations that i may still believe are beyond me. my adventure in retail are certainly reinforcing his assertion.
as i consider m,y journey to this point in my life, i can say that the last year threw me a twist i was not prepared for: retirement. learning to live within my means and still enjoy my life is only part of that transition. the other part is my identity as someone who is basically outside of the workforce after five decades. yes, i have a part-time job and yes next week is way more hours than i really wish to work. the caveat here is that being a part of a team, is certainly a social skill that required more than a bit of polishing. polish as i will, i am becoming someone i barely recognize on some mornings. that person is more inline of who i once believed i was, but was afraid to be, after all, if i allowed others to see how “broken” i was i would have no one in my life. as it was, i barely had anyone anyhow, so all those years of jazz-hands and tap-dancing really did me no good and certainly left me without any sense of who i was, or worse yet, who i could become. just for today, i am moving forward into uncharted territory and i will need the help of my sponse to navigate the landmines.
∞ DT ∞