Some memes

to do what i can to inspire others to find the hope they lost or never had. so now it has been a year since i found myself without a career and in retirement. well a year ago i was unwilling to admit and accept that i was retired. after finding a tiny part-time job and enjoying life without a “real” job. i may have to burn all my savings on a new bathroom and a new mouth, but when i consider the alternatives, at least i have the resources to do that, even if it means that i will live on Social Security. perhaps one of these lottery tickets i buy with my meager tips will pay off big time. i have no FAITH in that happening and certainly have no HOPE built around that notion. it is fun to fantasize about that happening, but that is all it is, a fantasy. i know that and i see it as a fun little diversion into the land of “what ifs.”
one of my peers once said that i gave him HOPE, because i got pushed off the cliff and i have found the ways and means to enjoy my life without a pounding away at the keyboard for forty hours a week for some faceless, uncaring and cold corporation. looking back, i guess one could certainly spin my entry into retirement as being pushed off a cliff, as i was not ready for it and did not want it. as the weeks go by, as they will, i am more and more content with the life i am building for myself and my spouse. i have often said what i do not want to be, so that needs not be repeated this morning. i have also said more than once what i want my life to look like, so that too can be left unsaid. what i probably do not say enough is that i do not live in dread fear of the future, despite the current political climate calling what i earned and “entitlement.” i continued to have to contribute to, even after the politicians decided that the trust fund that we had all been building up could be “borrowed” from, so taxes for the wealthy could be reduced and the budget kept closer to being balanced. yes i remember the lie: “a rising tide lifts all ships!” what a fucking con job joke! anyhow i have got off track.
today, just for today, i will walk in the sunlight of my spiritual program. what i have power over, i will exercise the power over. what i do not? well that is what i have to accept. i can, however, revel in the success of my friends and peers and let them know that i knew that they could do it. if they allowed themselves the freedom to give it their best. i have a full day of recovery stuff ahead of me: meet with a sponsee for our weekly chat, go to a meeting, walk with a peer and finally carry my message of HOPE to addicts who cannot physically attend a meeting. all in all, quite a manner to spend this Thursday.

∞ DT ∞