Blog entry for:

FAITH to let go of outcomes. for me, once upon a time, this seemed to be the exact opposite of what i needed to do. after all, how can i live in this modern world, or any world for that matter, where i made no plans and lived in a cloud that FAITH would provide the direction i needed to go and give me the answers i seek. what i needed was a change in perception and the realization that no one ever told me to not make plans, nor did they ever say to sit on my ass and wait for those plans to come to fruition. that was my misinterpretation of FAITH and how it is related to making plans, doing the footwork and walking away from any expectations of how things might work out. that whole process, in and of itself, i difficult enough for someone who once was so rigid that altering any part of my daily plan of the day was a majorly traumatic and dramatic ordeal. learning to be flexible about when , where and how my plans worked out has been quite the journey and i am far from arriving at my final destination.
today, i have move in with the FAITH that giving someone a wad of cash will not lead to his ultimate demise. i know he is chafing under the yoke of having to come for me to get his money. i also know he is failing at life on the streets and is unable or unwilling to advocate his way into a place he has the desire to get to. i suspect that in reality, he really wants to continue to be the victim of a harsh and cruel system where everybody hates him and he never catches a break, and his unwillingness to persist in his attempts to get into treatment, is just part of his desire to once again fail, and prove exactly that, the system is rigged against him. i have given him, my opinion, have offered him my support and carried the burden of his confession to me. i want him to succeed and as a result, i will do what he wants me to do, and walk with a bit of FAITH that maybe, just maybe, he will take the advice i have offered and do something to improve his own situation. that is one of the hardest things i will have to do today and it is all wrapped up in FAITH.
ah, but what about me? well i have to see how my solar battery charges up today, as i have finally drained it by charging my phone and FitBit over the course of the past three days. i have to get a database table up to date and up to production later this morning. i have to prepare for my journey up to fourteen thousand and seventy-one feet, on Wednesday. across the course of this day, i also need to work out, get stuff accomplished at work, take care of myself and yes go provide my friend the loaded gun he so desires. all of that and everything else that happens to pop-up, will make for a busy day. i want to be more and have more, as the day rolls on, even if i do not know what that “more” may be. for now, it is time to post this little ditty, put on my workout togs and hit the streets for a long walk. i can be okay knowing that all that i am and all that i will be, is more than i ever thought was possible, just for today.

∞ DT ∞