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or how unlikely it may seem, my freedom from active addiction gives me the freedom to pursue my ambitions.
another looking to the future reading, some days i really wonder if this is a truly just for today program. then after a second of pondering i see no conflict about realizing my lost dreams, or even take steps towards seeing them come true. i do what i can to further my ambitions, trying to stay out of self-will. just because i am living a program just for today does not mean that i should be incapable of doing what it takes to finish my college degree (did that -- graduated at forty-seven years old), purchase a home (did that -- for the second time three months ago), find a soul mate for life (did that too) or find a rewarding career (working on that as we speak). so if a dope fiend who had to use every day in order just to function can achieve these things in the blink of an eye i have been clean, there is hope for anyone else. the problem i have is separating dreams and goals from control and manipulation of situations. that is why i NEED to have the steps and other members in my life. one of the gifts from working a program is that i can actually see hope about where i am going for the first time in quite a long time. the dreams that are starting to be revealed now are way beyond anything i ever thought was possible, and the shape o those dreams are just starting to form in my tiny addict mind.
some stuff i need to remember as these old dreams that i thought were lost forever start to take shape is to live each day as a member of this fellowship, persevere through the things i need to do today to keep my program active and alive, and just be present. when the time to start pursuing my new ambitions are ripe. i will be ready to do the footwork i need to do to realize them. i have come to the conclusion that GOD does not put things on my heart that are beyond my capabilities to achieve. it is my task to listen for that voice and act when i hear it. so yes lost dreams and even dreams that i did not realize i had, can come true, if i do what ever it takes to stay clean just for today. and with that thought the whole contradiction is settled in my mind. recovery is like that some days for me.

∞ DT ∞