โ anything i ever wanted for myself was cast away in my pursuit of the next high. โ
Posted: Mon, Jun 9, 2008 09:38:59 AM
now in recovery, i find a reason to hope that my lost dreams could still come true. the chain of evidence, you ask, that allows me the freedom to have such a hope? well i am now a college graduate, who owns a house less than a year old, who has a stable, loving relationship with a woman with whom i which to spend the rest of my life with and a career that is doing stuff that i like to do on a daily basis. none of this was even on the horizon when i was using, or even in early recovery.
so the problem? it seems all my dreams have been fulfilled. my question is what do i dream for now? that answer will come to me i am sure, but today it eludes me. i find it hard to believe that i lack the depth to have any other dreams, but that may just be the case, such as it is.
moving on to something else, that happens to be on my mind…
…the past two days have been quite a journey through my personal program. i was asked to share my story at a level 6 treatment center that one of my grand-sponsees has been sentenced to. it was awesome, and the crowd was the largest that i have ever spoken in front of. do not know if they heard anything, but the crowd did listen attentively, and at the end i felt like i had gone through the ringer once again.
then yesterday, i drove 100 miles to meet my long distance sponsee, so we could go over his step work, and after that i was beat tired also.
the only thing that those two events had in common was my final condition, i choose to interpret that as being involved in both of those activities so completely that i consumed all my energy.that level of involvement is not usually part of the package for me. so perhaps, as the mystic within awakens, i will discover new dreams or old dreams that have been buried so long that i no longer remember having them will resurface, either way, i am better off physically, spiritually and emotionally than i have been in my entire life, and that my friends, is the result of living a program of recovery, and nothing else! so off to take care of what needs to be taken care oof during this day and into the real world.
so the problem? it seems all my dreams have been fulfilled. my question is what do i dream for now? that answer will come to me i am sure, but today it eludes me. i find it hard to believe that i lack the depth to have any other dreams, but that may just be the case, such as it is.
moving on to something else, that happens to be on my mind…
…the past two days have been quite a journey through my personal program. i was asked to share my story at a level 6 treatment center that one of my grand-sponsees has been sentenced to. it was awesome, and the crowd was the largest that i have ever spoken in front of. do not know if they heard anything, but the crowd did listen attentively, and at the end i felt like i had gone through the ringer once again.
then yesterday, i drove 100 miles to meet my long distance sponsee, so we could go over his step work, and after that i was beat tired also.
the only thing that those two events had in common was my final condition, i choose to interpret that as being involved in both of those activities so completely that i consumed all my energy.that level of involvement is not usually part of the package for me. so perhaps, as the mystic within awakens, i will discover new dreams or old dreams that have been buried so long that i no longer remember having them will resurface, either way, i am better off physically, spiritually and emotionally than i have been in my entire life, and that my friends, is the result of living a program of recovery, and nothing else! so off to take care of what needs to be taken care oof during this day and into the real world.
∞ DT ∞