Blog entry for:
Mon, Jul 16, 2007 07:46:06 AM
∞ low self-esteem does not go away overnight. ∞
posted: Mon, Jul 16, 2007 07:46:06 AM
with the help of other members who share the same feelings, and by working the Twelve Steps, i blossom into an individual that others and, most importantly, i myself respect.
the irony of this reading is that just yesterday, i was talking to another member about false humility. he had shared that he was unworthy of the grace and mercy he had received since starting recovery, and it struck a chord in me. this is as issue that is foremost in my mind , most of the time. i know where i learned that i was less than is unimportant, but i still here those whispers from the part of me i call my disease. for me, it is important not only to acknowledge what i have been given and the source of those gifts, but also to see that those gifts are a direct result of being worth recovery. there are days when i wonder if this is all a sham, some sort of cruel joke, where all of a sudden, the rug will be pulled out from under me, and i will see that i have not really changed at all. in fact, as i work through my current sixth step assignment, i am coming to realize that for the greatest part , most of my character defects flow from these feelings of not being worth what others are.
i now am coming to understand what is preventing me from moving on through my current assignment, and that is the old bugaboo of denial. of course denial is a reaction to fear, and what is it that i am afraid of? well for one, if i truly and thoroughly work through this assignment, i may find that yes i am worthy of recovery, and give myself even more evidence that this process works. with that evidence added to my recovery arsenal, the part of me i call my disease will have to learn a new tack to counter my increased self-esteem, and that part of me is lazy. so i choose to allow it to do its very worst, until i get fed-up with the whispers and move on.
well today, i am worth seeing myself as i truly am, defects, assets and the whole enchilada such as it is today. i can never silence the addict part of me, but i can make it quiet for a short bit of time and get a bit of serenity. and today i am without a doubrt worth that!
the irony of this reading is that just yesterday, i was talking to another member about false humility. he had shared that he was unworthy of the grace and mercy he had received since starting recovery, and it struck a chord in me. this is as issue that is foremost in my mind , most of the time. i know where i learned that i was less than is unimportant, but i still here those whispers from the part of me i call my disease. for me, it is important not only to acknowledge what i have been given and the source of those gifts, but also to see that those gifts are a direct result of being worth recovery. there are days when i wonder if this is all a sham, some sort of cruel joke, where all of a sudden, the rug will be pulled out from under me, and i will see that i have not really changed at all. in fact, as i work through my current sixth step assignment, i am coming to realize that for the greatest part , most of my character defects flow from these feelings of not being worth what others are.
i now am coming to understand what is preventing me from moving on through my current assignment, and that is the old bugaboo of denial. of course denial is a reaction to fear, and what is it that i am afraid of? well for one, if i truly and thoroughly work through this assignment, i may find that yes i am worthy of recovery, and give myself even more evidence that this process works. with that evidence added to my recovery arsenal, the part of me i call my disease will have to learn a new tack to counter my increased self-esteem, and that part of me is lazy. so i choose to allow it to do its very worst, until i get fed-up with the whispers and move on.
well today, i am worth seeing myself as i truly am, defects, assets and the whole enchilada such as it is today. i can never silence the addict part of me, but i can make it quiet for a short bit of time and get a bit of serenity. and today i am without a doubrt worth that!
∞ DT ∞
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
self-worth: an inside job 343 words ➥ Friday, July 16, 2004 by: donnotμ coming to believe μ 184 words ➥ Saturday, July 16, 2005 by: donnot
∞ with the help of other members who share our same feelings, and by working the twelve steps ∞ 419 words ➥ Sunday, July 16, 2006 by: donnot
∞ somewhere along the way, i developed strong feelings of inadequacy and inferiority. ∞ 410 words ➥ Wednesday, July 16, 2008 by: donnot
μ i learned to recognize low self-esteem early in my recovery μ 548 words ➥ Thursday, July 16, 2009 by: donnot
ℵ whether i learned low self-esteem in my family or through my interactions with others ℵ 437 words ➥ Friday, July 16, 2010 by: donnot
∃ deep inside, i had feelings of inadequacy and inferiority ∃ 537 words ➥ Saturday, July 16, 2011 by: donnot
♥ i remember that i deserve everything that ♥ 416 words ➥ Monday, July 16, 2012 by: donnot
⇑ by working the Twelve Steps, i can become the sort of individual ⇑ 619 words ➥ Tuesday, July 16, 2013 by: donnot
¡ i sometimes feel that my feelings of inferiority ! 613 words ➥ Wednesday, July 16, 2014 by: donnot
℘ i know that ℘ 609 words ➥ Thursday, July 16, 2015 by: donnot
⪡ whom others and, ⪢ 810 words ➥ Saturday, July 16, 2016 by: donnot
🏲 feelings of 🏱 491 words ➥ Sunday, July 16, 2017 by: donnot
🍒 self-esteem, 🍒 347 words ➥ Monday, July 16, 2018 by: donnot
🕱 you are worthless 🕱 436 words ➥ Tuesday, July 16, 2019 by: donnot
🤬 reclaiming myself 🤬 464 words ➥ Thursday, July 16, 2020 by: donnot
🤐 deep inside 🤐 464 words ➥ Friday, July 16, 2021 by: donnot
💱 worthless 💱 358 words ➥ Saturday, July 16, 2022 by: donnot
🗣 listening 👂 568 words ➥ Sunday, July 16, 2023 by: donnot
☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 1
2) The multitude of men look satisfied and pleased; as if enjoying
a full banquet, as if mounted on a tower in spring. I alone seem listless
and still, my desires having as yet given no indication of their presence.
I am like an infant which has not yet smiled. I look dejected and
forlorn, as if I had no home to go to. The multitude of men all have
enough and to spare. I alone seem to have lost everything. My mind
is that of a stupid man; I am in a state of chaos. Ordinary men look
bright and intelligent, while I alone seem to be benighted. They look
full of discrimination, while I alone am dull and confused. I seem
to be carried about as on the sea, drifting as if I had nowhere to
rest. All men have their spheres of action, while I alone seem dull
and incapable, like a rude borderer. (Thus) I alone am different from
other men, but I value the nursing-mother (the Tao).