Blog entry for:

quite a loaded term, especially when one considers self-respect and self-worth, as part of the package. what i think of when i consider the topic of self-esteem, is that it is value judgement based on how i value myself and if i can respect the person i am in here and now. at least that is how i tie the three of these concepts into one nice neat package, or something resembles one anyhow. where it gets complicated is when i am seeing myself as someone i do not respect but who certainly has a “positive” value, just to enumerate one of the more confusing ones.
although this is a very deep subject and one that requires further investigation i got caught up in other things this morning. what i am feeling is rushed because in order to get out of the house, when i want to, something has to give. the reality of the situation is that no one will die if i leave the house at 7:15 instead of 7:00. work does not care if i arrive at 7:30, 7:37 or even 8:01. this speaks exactly to the topic at hand. i put far too much value on myself arriving at work at a certain time. my worth goes up or down by how close i arrive there at 7:30 AM, when gives a whit, one way or another. so instead of taking a minute to pause and write something, i want to hurry through this exercise, pounding out 300 words or so and jump into a rushed sequence of events in order to meet an expectation i have put upon myself.
okay, so after taking a breath, i feel a bit better but of course all i was going to write, is being drowned out by the howling winds of “gotta go!” instead of fighting it, i will surrender and perhaps later today i will come back and add a bit more meat to this little slice of what i happen to be thinking, just for today.

∞ DT ∞