Blog entry for:

the process of uncovering my secrets, exposing them, and searching my characters reveals my true nature. and that was not exactly what i signed-up for, or was it? the real question is that what i expect today. what i thought i was getting all those days ago, is quite irrelevant today, what is relevant is that i understand that who i am is not who i was, there has been a bit of transformation into a new person, and that person, although he was always right there waiting to come to the light of day, needs to be allowed to show himself, exactly like he is today. okay enough of this talk of myself in the third person. my sponsor reminds me, and i tend to agree, that at this point in my recovery, i am past the discovery phase. what the steps do for me now, is allow me to uncover the basic truths about myself. each step, each step cycle is a process of scraping off more of the crap i buried my true self with, as i lived as an active addict. what i appear to be today and what i am really on the inside, is a much closer match than ever before. yes, i am still concerned about looking good at all times, but the priority of that concern has fallen off the radar so to speak. i do have times of great desire when i want to be someone i am not, and act as if that is who i am. i am also working a seventh step, and as i progress through this process, i am finding that such behavior is no longer acceptable to me. as that becomes less acceptable, the greater my desire to humbly ask, no matter what form it happens to take these days. and if i humbly ask, then and only then, am i surrendering my entire will and my entire life over to the care og my concept of a HIGHER POWER.
so what i guess i am trying to say is, it is working and now i too must hit the streets and get my work done. after all, responsibility is part of my life today, too!

∞ DT ∞