Blog entry for:

...to fix that **different** place inside me, to make me whole and acceptable. especially the acceptable part as i never felt i was less than whole. i did without a doubt, believe that i was way different than the people around me, even when i was hanging with other using addicts. perhaps that is why, once i surrendered to this program of recovery, i became committed to this manner of living. i have often wondered, what it is that keeps members like me around. after all, i have seen in the brief course of my journey of recovery, members come and members go. members that have more time and members that have less. it seems to me, that somehow they declined to accept the gift that was being offered. there is the possibility that they were not actually addicts and finally discovered that fact for themselves or the emptiness i fill with the spiritual connection i have uncovered in recovery is filled by something else for them. but enough about them and into the meat of what i am feeling this morning.
what is it that i am feeling? well i am in a weird sort of place this morning. up way too early, because i surrendered to my body and went to sleep early last night. lacking the desire to get busy on the little bit of work i wish to get done today, but active enough to do a bit of service that i was requested to do. and just a little bit off. it could because my body is detoxing from the the pain medication. it could be because my body is healing from surgery. or it could just be! it is the latter that i will run with this morning and focus on getting some things done, while i have the energy to do so.
so i think i will go jump in the shower, scrape the goo off my tummy, and get moving a few projects. accepting the gift of an early morning is perhaps the best course of action for me to take today.

∞ DT ∞