ฮฑ i have to attend meetings, work the steps, call my sponsor, and be of service to God and others. ฯ
Posted: Tue, Dec 2, 2008 09:12:50 AM
recovery is the foundation of my life, making everything else possible.
so i woke up at three forty-five this morning obsessed with a member and doing service. i tossed and turned for nearly an hour before i finally remembered a tool i had, and what a tool i was being, and surrendered that obsession into the care of my HIGHER POWER. amazing, i then slept fine for another hour and a half. what does this have to do with recovery being the foundation. well, for one, one of the simple things that got me clean and kept me clean in those early days of recovery was the ability to surrender my obsession to use, into the care of a POWER GREATER THAN ME, and i do not mean a member with more time than me. as i was tossing and turning, i was struck by the absurdity of allowing someone to have power over whether or not i could sleep, and as i grew more and more angry at that person, i found myself thinking about what i could do to get back at them. well surrendering to my HIGHER POWER was all that i could finally come up with, and amazing it worked it a very few minutes.
anyhow, as i sit here on the back-end of of my silly behavior, i am beginning to realize, that i have started to let my priorities slip. it really is not all about me, and whether or not i feel respected. and appreciated, or demeaned and used is irrelevant as to whether i can stay clean and recover. it is what it is, and i am still an addict suffering the slings and arrows of addiction. as such, i can either try and battle it on my own, with self-will and grit, or i can surrender the the principles of the program that allows me to stay clean and recover and let go of my expectations of others.
BTW, i did not pray to fall back asleep.
but i digress.
so what is my task today? well for one i can remember what the member who came back from a relapse last week told me, and learn to live as a vision of HOPE, or i can dwell in the darkness of my bruised feelings and retribution for perceived slights. that choice is mine and mine alone, and today i will do my best to live as a vision of HOPE and not as an object lesson about how i let the addict within control what i do across the course of my day.
it ia after all, a good day to be in recovery.
so i woke up at three forty-five this morning obsessed with a member and doing service. i tossed and turned for nearly an hour before i finally remembered a tool i had, and what a tool i was being, and surrendered that obsession into the care of my HIGHER POWER. amazing, i then slept fine for another hour and a half. what does this have to do with recovery being the foundation. well, for one, one of the simple things that got me clean and kept me clean in those early days of recovery was the ability to surrender my obsession to use, into the care of a POWER GREATER THAN ME, and i do not mean a member with more time than me. as i was tossing and turning, i was struck by the absurdity of allowing someone to have power over whether or not i could sleep, and as i grew more and more angry at that person, i found myself thinking about what i could do to get back at them. well surrendering to my HIGHER POWER was all that i could finally come up with, and amazing it worked it a very few minutes.
anyhow, as i sit here on the back-end of of my silly behavior, i am beginning to realize, that i have started to let my priorities slip. it really is not all about me, and whether or not i feel respected. and appreciated, or demeaned and used is irrelevant as to whether i can stay clean and recover. it is what it is, and i am still an addict suffering the slings and arrows of addiction. as such, i can either try and battle it on my own, with self-will and grit, or i can surrender the the principles of the program that allows me to stay clean and recover and let go of my expectations of others.
BTW, i did not pray to fall back asleep.
but i digress.
so what is my task today? well for one i can remember what the member who came back from a relapse last week told me, and learn to live as a vision of HOPE, or i can dwell in the darkness of my bruised feelings and retribution for perceived slights. that choice is mine and mine alone, and today i will do my best to live as a vision of HOPE and not as an object lesson about how i let the addict within control what i do across the course of my day.
it ia after all, a good day to be in recovery.
∞ DT ∞