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so what is real and what is fantasy, anyhow?
how is HOPE different from wishing?
how much power do i truly possess?
this certainly could turn into a existentialist dive into the philosophical nature of what i perceive and how well it lines up with how things really work. that is not my intention, nor will i go down that path. i have a pretty good grasp of reality and understand that science provides answers that are not always palatable to me, but are correct, nevertheless. the world is not flat, Sandy Hook was not a hoax and the only election fraud committed in 2022, was by republicans themselves. no matter how much i want stuff to be different, i gave up living the life in “alternative facts” decades ago, when i first got clean. i may not have instantly “cured” of wishful thinking =or of the fantasies i held so dear, but i did start the journey into living life in the real world.
this morning, my reality is that i have put a bit of an unrealistic constraint on what i want to accomplish before i sit down and relax this evening. writing this is just the start of that day and i am already a bit behind the schedule i set when i got up later than usual today. in reality, i certainly may get everything done, walk through today without hurting myself or anyone else, make my home group and not live in the lie that because i am “rushing” to get stuff done, that i am somehow defective or broken. the two fantasies that i lived with in recovery for far too long were

• i was a victim of addiction
• and that i was broken and defective beyond repair.

i know them both for the lies i used to hold myself back and allow me to be comfortable, not succeeding, even when i did not try.
anyhow, it is time to move along and get the next task on my to-do list done. i am grateful that i do not live in a world that has to conform to my expectation and desires, just for today.

∞ DT ∞