Blog entry for:

when it comes to recovery. by letting go of the theory that i am unique and surrendering to this simple way of life, i have found that i have the ability to be a part of something greater than myself. so after twenty-four hours i finally feel certain of a decision i made yesterday. the devil will be in the details of implementation, but i have FAITH that i will be given the tools to move forward into doing what i need to do. before i get carried away with my uniqueness and the desire of the addict within to keep me separate from those who can support me, i need to call out a clean date:

12 YEARS CLEAN, JAY T
AWESOME MY FRIEND!
KEEP COMING BACK.

so where was i? oh yeah the whole i am so different theory and how it affects me even to this day. i can feel this in operation on a nearly continual basis from time to time, after all, i see members who have various lengths of clean time in all sorts of different places on the continuum of recovery. some with what seems mere seconds talking about ideas that i am just coming around to understanding, and some with decades that are totally oblivious to ideas that are so obvious to me, that as my grandma would say, "if it was a snake it would have bit ya!"
be that as it may, what i have in common with all of those i share the rooms with, is that we have a path to a life that is far better than any we have ever known, due to the fact that we all share a common malady, ADDICTION! this morning i can feel grateful for being an addict, even though that sounds quite insane. insane that is, to the part of me that longs for being a part of the so-called normal world. the part poof me that accepts that i am addict and understand that there is no hope for me, except through the program, sees that realization as a step towards sanity. as the FIRST STEP starts to take hold me, and starts to work me over once again, i can see that it is not Obi Wan Canobi, who is my only HOPE. it is the program that allows me to make a daily choice not to use that is my only hope. the only way this addict can be a part of that program is ta accept that yes i am a unique individual, BUT i have much in common with my fellows members. it is only in concert with them, can i remain on the path to becoming a better me. this morning, that is the path i wish to tread, so i think i will let myself get moving forward.
off to the streets with the dawg, to burn off what needs to be burned off, nervous energy, calories and the mind garbage i have accumulated over the past few days.

∞ DT ∞