ยฝ i either continually renew my commitment to my recovery ยฝ
Posted: Sat, Apr 10, 2010 08:09:52 AM
or i can be too busy to recover until something happens and my life, one again becomes unmanageable.
QUITE A CHOICE!
a realistic look at what is the true nature of my life since getting clean, can definitely show periods where i have too busy to recover. the result, at least for this addict was stopped short of the final outcome, and only landed in various levels of an unmanageable life. this morning i was tempted to run and put out a fire that has been smoldering since yesterday afternoon, ignoring at my own peril, the benefit i get from this daily soliloquy to the denizens of the online world, is really quite huge and i know that as i have developed a habit of daily writing, it has improved my outlook on my own recovery.
anyhow, too busy to recover, yeah that is where i was. quite honestly, there are members with more clean time than i have, who go to way more meetings than i do, but who have nothing except the HOPE of staying clean another day, to offer me. i know that is a rationalization for my sparse meeting attendance, honestly, there are days when i feel like the last thing i have the desire to do, is to take the 90 minutes or so out of my life that going to a meeting entails. i can spin and spin about how i have this and that going on, and although that is true, it is all a lie i tell myself so i salve my guilty conscience over the fact that i am not going to as many meetings as…
meetings are but one sign of how well i am living a program. it is the most overt of all the signs of my active recovery, and fortunately or unfortunately, it is the one that members in fellowship, may use to judge the quality of another members’s recovery. it is true that i still have what could be termed as a slightly unhealthy obsession about appearances, and if i was not better than i am, this in and of itself would drive me to meeting after meeting, after all if it is all about being seen, the meeting is the venue. i have moved into this sort of stealth mode of my recovery, as my service efforts become less visible to the membership in general, and more visible to the members and potential members i may touch. i am finding great comfort in that what i am doing is not quite so much in the public eye, and in one more week, it drops that much more off the radar. as that occurs, it is time for me to make sure that i take care of the rest of my program and ensure my house in order. i do believe that i can and will do that, and who knows, maybe an extra meeting or two will pop into my weekly routine. time will tell.
so it bis off to the showers, then into town to put out the fire.. i can choose to be happy today,, as well as choose to LIVE a program of ACTIVE recovery, and for right now i do believe i will.
QUITE A CHOICE!
a realistic look at what is the true nature of my life since getting clean, can definitely show periods where i have too busy to recover. the result, at least for this addict was stopped short of the final outcome, and only landed in various levels of an unmanageable life. this morning i was tempted to run and put out a fire that has been smoldering since yesterday afternoon, ignoring at my own peril, the benefit i get from this daily soliloquy to the denizens of the online world, is really quite huge and i know that as i have developed a habit of daily writing, it has improved my outlook on my own recovery.
anyhow, too busy to recover, yeah that is where i was. quite honestly, there are members with more clean time than i have, who go to way more meetings than i do, but who have nothing except the HOPE of staying clean another day, to offer me. i know that is a rationalization for my sparse meeting attendance, honestly, there are days when i feel like the last thing i have the desire to do, is to take the 90 minutes or so out of my life that going to a meeting entails. i can spin and spin about how i have this and that going on, and although that is true, it is all a lie i tell myself so i salve my guilty conscience over the fact that i am not going to as many meetings as…
meetings are but one sign of how well i am living a program. it is the most overt of all the signs of my active recovery, and fortunately or unfortunately, it is the one that members in fellowship, may use to judge the quality of another members’s recovery. it is true that i still have what could be termed as a slightly unhealthy obsession about appearances, and if i was not better than i am, this in and of itself would drive me to meeting after meeting, after all if it is all about being seen, the meeting is the venue. i have moved into this sort of stealth mode of my recovery, as my service efforts become less visible to the membership in general, and more visible to the members and potential members i may touch. i am finding great comfort in that what i am doing is not quite so much in the public eye, and in one more week, it drops that much more off the radar. as that occurs, it is time for me to make sure that i take care of the rest of my program and ensure my house in order. i do believe that i can and will do that, and who knows, maybe an extra meeting or two will pop into my weekly routine. time will tell.
so it bis off to the showers, then into town to put out the fire.. i can choose to be happy today,, as well as choose to LIVE a program of ACTIVE recovery, and for right now i do believe i will.
∞ DT ∞