๐ seeing grace ๐
Posted: Mon, Apr 10, 2023 07:03:50 AM
in my reflection, feels like quite a stretch. it is hard for me to see much of any improvement in myself and the notion of who i choose to hang with, is a reflection of who i am, is an interesting one to consider. it is true that i avoid those i see who say they are living by spiritual principles and then act out in selfish self-interest time and again. i may not be the most spiritual bulb in the pack, but i certainly do my best to live up to the ideals that i ascribe to live by, even when no one is looking. taking a peek at those with whom i keep company, i see that they too, are not shady characters. i would trust my life in their hands and hopefully they know that i have their back as well. today, as i sit here perusing the list of my closed-mouth friends, my peers and my associates, i see that the ones i choose to spend my time with are those who's values align closely with mine.
i am sort of a bit out of sync this morning, i want to “feel” all hopeful and cheery, but i feel doubtful and pessimistic. it is ironic that i mentioned to one of my peers that expecting oneself to have this feeling to that was setting oneself up for failure, resentment and disappointment. yet, her i am not feeling in the manner i believe i “should be.” working through what i am feeling, i can see there is concern that my Mom, once again lied to the Doctors about her condition yesterday when she was in the ER, so she would not have to stay at the hospital, even though she thought it necessary to make that trip. although i had a great workout yesterday, i am wondering if i can even come close to my goal on Memorial Day, as my sixty-sixth trip around the sun ends in less than a week. it could be that i am starting to actually admit i am as old as i actually am and that is starting to grate on me a bit. what ever it is that may or may not be going on inside of me, i know that for a fact, if i live the spiritual program i have been given, have just a modicum of FAITH that the POWER that fuels my recovery will provide me the opportunities to get everything i need and that things are just the way they are supposed to be, i will be okay, just for today.
i am sort of a bit out of sync this morning, i want to “feel” all hopeful and cheery, but i feel doubtful and pessimistic. it is ironic that i mentioned to one of my peers that expecting oneself to have this feeling to that was setting oneself up for failure, resentment and disappointment. yet, her i am not feeling in the manner i believe i “should be.” working through what i am feeling, i can see there is concern that my Mom, once again lied to the Doctors about her condition yesterday when she was in the ER, so she would not have to stay at the hospital, even though she thought it necessary to make that trip. although i had a great workout yesterday, i am wondering if i can even come close to my goal on Memorial Day, as my sixty-sixth trip around the sun ends in less than a week. it could be that i am starting to actually admit i am as old as i actually am and that is starting to grate on me a bit. what ever it is that may or may not be going on inside of me, i know that for a fact, if i live the spiritual program i have been given, have just a modicum of FAITH that the POWER that fuels my recovery will provide me the opportunities to get everything i need and that things are just the way they are supposed to be, i will be okay, just for today.
∞ DT ∞