โฆ when i fully accept the depth of my own powerlessness over addiction โฆ
Posted: Wed, May 26, 2010 09:19:17 AM
i may become at least willing to consider seeking the help of some HIGHER POWER. so i have been putting this off and off, trying to do everything i could to keep from writing this morning, and it amazes me the things i will do to procrastinate some days. now that i am here, there are a couple of themes that i do not really want to write about, the first being my journey to acceptance of the whole HIGHER POWER concept. the second being my powerlessness over addiction. in the true spirit of avoidance, i think i will back door into those themes by dumping what is on my mind.
this morning i looked at my desktop and there were two letters from men i sponsor, that require my action. the first is about his reservations. as a sponsor, my job is to address each and every one of them and guide him to a place where they can lose their power over him. not a big deal, as i have done this before and why i have hesitated answering his letter is beyond me. perhaps, i was waiting to feel the right answer, and this morning i have finally worked through whatever was going on, so i am now ready to respond.
the second one is a bit trickier, as i am feeling this morning, that i need to say some things to him that his may not be ready to hear, namely that perhaps i am not a good choice of sponsors for him. when i think of this relationship, the only times i see him making any progress or even bothering to consider my guidance, is when his ass is in a sling. when everything is going well, it is balls to the walls self-will run riot, and i am starting to feel as if i am wasting my time. the question boils down to whether or not i have the courage to tell him that, and whether or not i am willing to accept the consequences. that issue has yet to be resolved in my head, so his letter will languish on my desk for at least another day.
now after dumping that, i can see that there is a POWER greater than my addiction working in my life. the proof? that i did not just write down the first things that came to my head and send it off. i waited. allowing myself to feel, and become ready to move into action. yes i was present in my procrastination and i guess sometimes the best actions is no action at all. anyhow, i have stuff to do and places to be, so i will sign-off by being grateful that my journey has allowed me to feel the depths of my powerlessness, so that i can seek help from outside of me, and i do beleieve i will go with that this morning.
this morning i looked at my desktop and there were two letters from men i sponsor, that require my action. the first is about his reservations. as a sponsor, my job is to address each and every one of them and guide him to a place where they can lose their power over him. not a big deal, as i have done this before and why i have hesitated answering his letter is beyond me. perhaps, i was waiting to feel the right answer, and this morning i have finally worked through whatever was going on, so i am now ready to respond.
the second one is a bit trickier, as i am feeling this morning, that i need to say some things to him that his may not be ready to hear, namely that perhaps i am not a good choice of sponsors for him. when i think of this relationship, the only times i see him making any progress or even bothering to consider my guidance, is when his ass is in a sling. when everything is going well, it is balls to the walls self-will run riot, and i am starting to feel as if i am wasting my time. the question boils down to whether or not i have the courage to tell him that, and whether or not i am willing to accept the consequences. that issue has yet to be resolved in my head, so his letter will languish on my desk for at least another day.
now after dumping that, i can see that there is a POWER greater than my addiction working in my life. the proof? that i did not just write down the first things that came to my head and send it off. i waited. allowing myself to feel, and become ready to move into action. yes i was present in my procrastination and i guess sometimes the best actions is no action at all. anyhow, i have stuff to do and places to be, so i will sign-off by being grateful that my journey has allowed me to feel the depths of my powerlessness, so that i can seek help from outside of me, and i do beleieve i will go with that this morning.
∞ DT ∞