ฦ some things i must accept, others i can change ฦ
Posted: Wed, Jun 16, 2010 08:29:59 AM
the wisdom to know the difference comes with growth in my spiritual program. okay, i am pissed off! i just wrote this wonderful treatise on how i have learned the difference between real acceptance and stuffing my feelings and putting on the rose-colored glasses. and boom, the next instant it was GONE!
if i was the sort to attach human attributes to the HIGHER POWER that is the source of my recovery, i would say that HP has a perverse sense of humor. i, however, do not ascribe to that, so what i end up doing in this case is accepting that it was my fault, after all, it was i and not HP that left the quote in a place that causes this application to fail.
anyhow, for me i once believed acceptance was stuffing my feelings, spinning any sort of negative event into a positive light and then sharing about how fVcking grateful i was, that i was given yet another opportunity for growth. while in the end that may APPEAR to be a healthy solution to adversity, and it may be one that works for others, for me, it was sick, sick, sick! i could blame the members who were present when i got clean for my self-delusion, or i can just use what i learned in my last set of steps and move on. those members, more than likely, never told me that was an appropriate manner in which to behave, it was ME that decided that acceptance equals stuffing. so what do i do today? well for one, i allow myself to FEEL the angst, anger, sadness, or whatever feelings that the adverse events in my life may generate. then after processing those feelings i can evaluate whether or not this is something that i have some power over, or if this is something i need to accept. since my power is limited, it certainly is nice when i can act instead of accept. as i grow, i come to see acceptance as an action as well. even though it may not feel like oi am acting, learning acceptance of what is going on does take work for this addict. resigning myself to the fact, is the default and takes absolutely no work at all for me. so in the whole continuum of acceptance resignation and change, i have a choice, and it is up to me to respond appropriately, using the tools that have been given me by the POWER that powers my recovery. so anyhow, once again i will start the process of getting out and about for my daily constitutional, by closing this particular mind dump by saying that just for today i am grateful i have a way to process and evaluate the things that happen in my life.
if i was the sort to attach human attributes to the HIGHER POWER that is the source of my recovery, i would say that HP has a perverse sense of humor. i, however, do not ascribe to that, so what i end up doing in this case is accepting that it was my fault, after all, it was i and not HP that left the quote in a place that causes this application to fail.
anyhow, for me i once believed acceptance was stuffing my feelings, spinning any sort of negative event into a positive light and then sharing about how fVcking grateful i was, that i was given yet another opportunity for growth. while in the end that may APPEAR to be a healthy solution to adversity, and it may be one that works for others, for me, it was sick, sick, sick! i could blame the members who were present when i got clean for my self-delusion, or i can just use what i learned in my last set of steps and move on. those members, more than likely, never told me that was an appropriate manner in which to behave, it was ME that decided that acceptance equals stuffing. so what do i do today? well for one, i allow myself to FEEL the angst, anger, sadness, or whatever feelings that the adverse events in my life may generate. then after processing those feelings i can evaluate whether or not this is something that i have some power over, or if this is something i need to accept. since my power is limited, it certainly is nice when i can act instead of accept. as i grow, i come to see acceptance as an action as well. even though it may not feel like oi am acting, learning acceptance of what is going on does take work for this addict. resigning myself to the fact, is the default and takes absolutely no work at all for me. so in the whole continuum of acceptance resignation and change, i have a choice, and it is up to me to respond appropriately, using the tools that have been given me by the POWER that powers my recovery. so anyhow, once again i will start the process of getting out and about for my daily constitutional, by closing this particular mind dump by saying that just for today i am grateful i have a way to process and evaluate the things that happen in my life.
∞ DT ∞