โ i am finally beginning to accept, that i DO NOT โฆ
Posted: Sun, Aug 15, 2010 09:24:16 AM
...recover physically, mentally, or spiritually overnight, as this reading falls well within my 30 day warning period, i know that more than once i have commented on what happens as i approach the anniversary of my clean date. this year is nothing new, i am more than a bit out there, and if not for the plethora of sponsee work i have found myself accommodating, i know i would be even further from what i consider my normal insane state.
be that as it may, i get that i cannot recover overnight, however sometimes it feels like it is taking forever. today is one of those days. i am just itching to act-out all over someone, and am afraid that if the correct person comes tripping merrily along, and says that exact right thing, that i will just not be able to help myself.
so it goes. it is a good thing, that what i have to do, what i want to do and what my plans to do, today are all congealing around not a helluva a lot of public contact, and quiet work and relaxation here in the home front and a bit of service this evening. such a plan limits the number of place is have to act-out and will allow me to scratch whatever happens to be itching inside today.
yes, i am impatient at the pace of my recovery process from time to time. and yes i get disheartened when i see members with decades clean, acting as if what they think and feel is the most important thing in the world, regardless of what hopes and dreams they CRUSH in their zeal to prove how right they are. something that i am learning lately, is that clean time is no indicator of how far i have progressed, and if that is true fro me, than it is more than likely true for everyone else as well. my choice today is to walk away from doing anything for another twenty-four hours. such a choice will allow me to be certain of what my true will is in this matter and hopefully be better aligned with the will of my HIGHER POWER for me.
so where does that drop me off at? well, first off a quick work out session to end this particular cycle. then a bit of relaxation and a gar on the veranda, seems to be on tap and finally maybe a bit of work followed by a nap. i can be okay with all of that today and i can also see what happens as the day progresses, so off to the streets to get my first task done, after all the journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.
be that as it may, i get that i cannot recover overnight, however sometimes it feels like it is taking forever. today is one of those days. i am just itching to act-out all over someone, and am afraid that if the correct person comes tripping merrily along, and says that exact right thing, that i will just not be able to help myself.
so it goes. it is a good thing, that what i have to do, what i want to do and what my plans to do, today are all congealing around not a helluva a lot of public contact, and quiet work and relaxation here in the home front and a bit of service this evening. such a plan limits the number of place is have to act-out and will allow me to scratch whatever happens to be itching inside today.
yes, i am impatient at the pace of my recovery process from time to time. and yes i get disheartened when i see members with decades clean, acting as if what they think and feel is the most important thing in the world, regardless of what hopes and dreams they CRUSH in their zeal to prove how right they are. something that i am learning lately, is that clean time is no indicator of how far i have progressed, and if that is true fro me, than it is more than likely true for everyone else as well. my choice today is to walk away from doing anything for another twenty-four hours. such a choice will allow me to be certain of what my true will is in this matter and hopefully be better aligned with the will of my HIGHER POWER for me.
so where does that drop me off at? well, first off a quick work out session to end this particular cycle. then a bit of relaxation and a gar on the veranda, seems to be on tap and finally maybe a bit of work followed by a nap. i can be okay with all of that today and i can also see what happens as the day progresses, so off to the streets to get my first task done, after all the journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.
∞ DT ∞