Blog entry for:

bit by bit -- not overnight, but over time. as i sit here, looking over the steaming pools below me, struck by how true this reading feels for me this morning. yesterday was far more relaxing than i have ever been, and even though i had several calls and messages by addicts in and out of recovery, all in all it was our day, me and my honey. i forgot that dealing with someone in active addiction means they will not own anything and will do their best to throw their shit back on me. well that lesson has been learned, never trust a using addict, no not really, just do not trust them with anything critical, as they are incapable, most of the time, of being trustworthy or even honest. the lesson coat me just over a hundred bucks, and although i would really love to have that money this morning, it has gone down the black hole of active addiction and will never see the light of day again. what really impressed me was, how they tried to make my angry words reflect the quality of my recovery, as if coming to the program made me some sort of saint, and i do not know them blah, blah, blah and on with their ever so sad story (cue violins). in the midst of insanity and holding someone accountable, even though they did not want to be, there is HOPE. the addict i thought was lost forever to his active addiction, volunteered to give up his freedom and turned himself in. i did not even get a chance to talk to him except for 15 seconds in a parking lot the other night. he faces some dire consequences and he used, BUT he manned up and took care of bidness, as bad as it will be for him.
HOPE, anger, disappointment and restoration all in a single day, it is sometimes amazing how recovery can be so much and pack so much into a 24 hour slice. yes i understand that for me, this is a slow process at times and other times moves at the speed of light. yes i accept that i will never be a saint, but if i stay active in my recovery i will become the man i have always wanted to be. approaching the end of my 14thn year of recovery, i can see that if i want to be more than the LYING, THIEVING, USING ADDICT i once was, all i have to do is everything i have been doing since my first day in recovery. just for today i can be more, and live like an addict that much less. life is good and it is time to hop in the pool and get all over heated once again. it is an excellent day to be clean.

∞ DT ∞