Blog entry for:

alrighty then, let me get rid of the old stuff first. NUMBER ONE: when i became a member i did not have the desire to stop using, NUMBER TWO: i was one of those members who came to the fellowship under the coercion of the justice system. NUMBER THREE: i have not had to use since the day i actually decided that i might have a problem, even though that date was seven months after i first walked into the rooms.
with that out of the way, i can get into what i heard this morning. a number of these have been running through my head lately and a few them resolved this morning. the biggest thing on my mind was my once former sponsee and where to guide him. yesterday, i had the notion to allow him to start STEP FOUR and back him off to the STEP he needed to be on, as required by his spiritual condition. this morning that feels so right, i think i will do just that. he has an opportunity, thanks to his current living situation, that maybe this will be something he can finally accomplish.
another theme has been the sponsee that is about to cancel his membership. although i am powerless over his decision, i hope what little influence i may have, can sway him to recommit to the program. that is something that this morning i heard to leave to a POWER greater than myself.
now that the stuff about others is out of my head, i can finally zero in on what i heard this morning. i know the reading was about membership in the fellowship. i know it went on about how i cannot coerce or otherwise convince anyone else to become a member or <GASP> remain a member, as that is up to each of them as is their right. what i can do is to make membership attractive, by doing what i can to live a program of active recovery. i know that when i live my life like the addict i was and can be, i am hardly a testimonial for what the program offers. when i live my life “looking like” i am living a program of active is no more attractive than when i am acting out. as a result, IF i want to be a member that helps my fellowship rather than hinders it, i MUST do my best to live by the principles of the program, regardless of my personal beliefs in any given situation, that means i have to let go and allow that POWER greater than myself to work for others and remember that I AM NOT IT! anything else will not bear the fruit i desire.
so what does that mean right here and right now? well it means that i will sign-off and hit the streets, as i do FEEL like i have written enough of what is on my mind, IT MEANS THAT i need to have FAITH, that NO MATTER WHAT, I CAN STAY CLEAN TODAY. finally it means that if allow that POWER to act in my life, i can be a better person than i was yesterday, and who knows what tomorrow will bring. so as promised off to the streets i run.

∞ DT ∞