+ i am grateful for my decision to become a member of the fellowship that saved my life. +
Posted: Tue, Dec 13, 2011 07:43:56 AM
OK, many of you know where i get my recovery at, and those who are not sure can probably guess, this little fiction of mine that honors our traditions,transparent as it is, does help protect my fellowship from association with me specifically. nevertheless there are times i want to scream out where i stay to get my recovery and the reading this morning triggered that desire. it is at it is, and like the newcomer that is experiencing a pink cloud, i want to say how proud i am of myself for sticking it out.
that being said, i also know that what i have, was given to me by a POWER that fuels this recovery. all of this is subject to a single condition, namely that i abstain one more day from the substances and behaviors that are the visible symptoms of addiction. that choice starts the crusade of consequences that is active recovery, and allows me the creative freedom to be more than i was yesterday. the bus is crowded this morning, and i have to write this with one hand tied behind my back. i will not be deterred from my task, no matter how uncomfortably slow it may be. sort of like recovery, now that i think about it. i walked into the rooms, broken and beaten, and yet was not ready to be a member of any sort of recovery fellowship. had my will been paramount, it would have been a different story. as i bounce along down to Denver this morning, i realize, that back then, i knew what i had to do, and yet, i purposely constrained myself, by living behind my wall of isolation and denial.
the one armed paper-hanger was alive and well, and that part certainly did his best to keep me apart, i did not become a member anywhere until i had 13 months clean, and even then, it was a very conditional membership, i could have come, decades before i did, but i needed every day of using, every drop of misery and every single consequence to be ready. i can spin it any way i want to, but the truth ism i came to the rooms only when i had enough of the consequences, i stayed only because the sword of a prison sentence hung over my head. i am here today, because i CHOOSE to be, as it has been many days since the desire to use has been lifted from me. i am a member, i paid the cost of admission, and i am grateful that moone can revoke that membership. with that in mind, i think i will end this and see what is happening in the rest of the world.
that being said, i also know that what i have, was given to me by a POWER that fuels this recovery. all of this is subject to a single condition, namely that i abstain one more day from the substances and behaviors that are the visible symptoms of addiction. that choice starts the crusade of consequences that is active recovery, and allows me the creative freedom to be more than i was yesterday. the bus is crowded this morning, and i have to write this with one hand tied behind my back. i will not be deterred from my task, no matter how uncomfortably slow it may be. sort of like recovery, now that i think about it. i walked into the rooms, broken and beaten, and yet was not ready to be a member of any sort of recovery fellowship. had my will been paramount, it would have been a different story. as i bounce along down to Denver this morning, i realize, that back then, i knew what i had to do, and yet, i purposely constrained myself, by living behind my wall of isolation and denial.
the one armed paper-hanger was alive and well, and that part certainly did his best to keep me apart, i did not become a member anywhere until i had 13 months clean, and even then, it was a very conditional membership, i could have come, decades before i did, but i needed every day of using, every drop of misery and every single consequence to be ready. i can spin it any way i want to, but the truth ism i came to the rooms only when i had enough of the consequences, i stayed only because the sword of a prison sentence hung over my head. i am here today, because i CHOOSE to be, as it has been many days since the desire to use has been lifted from me. i am a member, i paid the cost of admission, and i am grateful that moone can revoke that membership. with that in mind, i think i will end this and see what is happening in the rest of the world.
∞ DT ∞