βͺ i am coming to know happiness, joy, and freedom βͺ
Posted: Fri, Apr 8, 2011 07:44:46 AM
well there are a couple of ways i can go with this topic this morning. i could start with a bit of a fine whine whine about how early it is, and about how i wanted to sleep a bit more. would that make me happier, more joyous or increased my freedom? NO it would not, so there i have done my back door b*tch and i can move on.
i could start writing about how i once took this for an explicit promise of an event, and it intimidated the sh!t out of me. while true, once upon a time, this is no longer something i fear or dread.
after dismissing out of hand the first two things that come to mind, of course there is the explicit topic of the reading, namely that happiness is a choice, which although it could provides hundreds of words from this keyboard, it would only be preaching to the choir, and these days i try to really get down with my own bad self and write about what is going on, with me, and not necessarily with the rests of the world.
so that brings me to a very fine point, way too early on this foggy Friday morning, can i choose happiness, for real, and if i can, why do i not choose to be happy 24/7? well i can tell you why. i choose not to be happy 24/7, because sometimes i am NOT HAPPY. there are times when i read one of these ent6ries, and it just irks me so bad i have a strong emotional reaction that i interpret to mean that i &lsquou;liked’ or ‘disliked’ a particular reading. while that appropriate for one phase of my recovery, it is no longer. just like forcing myself to feel one way or another is no longer appropriate and that is what i could interpret this reading to mean. that i HAVE THE ABILITY to change how i feel. i know that i DO have that ability, sometimes that ability is inherent and i can access it, but that sort of stuff was part of active addiction and is certainly a signal that i need to step up my program. as i sit down and get past my knee jerk reaction, what i really heard is that the choice is to not feel happy or unhappy. the choice for me is to see the events in my life as a gift, and choose to be happy about this continue gifting, or be miserable because i do not like what is inside each package. this morning i can be grateful that i am up and moving. it may be earlier than i planned, but i will choose tom accept that is what it is, and get moving towards my destination down south, as the saying goes. yes it is true i will be making a four and half hour round trip for the opportunity to speak with a sponsee for 90 minutes. half-full or half-empty are not even considerations this morning, i am glad i have the vessel to put anything in and that i get to meet with my sponsee for any length of time at all, as it has been quite some time since i i had the choice to do so. i am not miserable this morning, so i can CHOOSE to be happy, as nothing i am feeling precludes a bit of happiness. on that note i do believe i will jump in the shower and get moving, it is after all a great day to be clean and guess what, BE HAPPY!
i could start writing about how i once took this for an explicit promise of an event, and it intimidated the sh!t out of me. while true, once upon a time, this is no longer something i fear or dread.
after dismissing out of hand the first two things that come to mind, of course there is the explicit topic of the reading, namely that happiness is a choice, which although it could provides hundreds of words from this keyboard, it would only be preaching to the choir, and these days i try to really get down with my own bad self and write about what is going on, with me, and not necessarily with the rests of the world.
so that brings me to a very fine point, way too early on this foggy Friday morning, can i choose happiness, for real, and if i can, why do i not choose to be happy 24/7? well i can tell you why. i choose not to be happy 24/7, because sometimes i am NOT HAPPY. there are times when i read one of these ent6ries, and it just irks me so bad i have a strong emotional reaction that i interpret to mean that i &lsquou;liked’ or ‘disliked’ a particular reading. while that appropriate for one phase of my recovery, it is no longer. just like forcing myself to feel one way or another is no longer appropriate and that is what i could interpret this reading to mean. that i HAVE THE ABILITY to change how i feel. i know that i DO have that ability, sometimes that ability is inherent and i can access it, but that sort of stuff was part of active addiction and is certainly a signal that i need to step up my program. as i sit down and get past my knee jerk reaction, what i really heard is that the choice is to not feel happy or unhappy. the choice for me is to see the events in my life as a gift, and choose to be happy about this continue gifting, or be miserable because i do not like what is inside each package. this morning i can be grateful that i am up and moving. it may be earlier than i planned, but i will choose tom accept that is what it is, and get moving towards my destination down south, as the saying goes. yes it is true i will be making a four and half hour round trip for the opportunity to speak with a sponsee for 90 minutes. half-full or half-empty are not even considerations this morning, i am glad i have the vessel to put anything in and that i get to meet with my sponsee for any length of time at all, as it has been quite some time since i i had the choice to do so. i am not miserable this morning, so i can CHOOSE to be happy, as nothing i am feeling precludes a bit of happiness. on that note i do believe i will jump in the shower and get moving, it is after all a great day to be clean and guess what, BE HAPPY!
∞ DT ∞