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is certainly a more realistic manner in which i can view the state of being **happy.** just as i can CHOOSE to be miserable, complaining and whining about every single slight or unexpected bump in my daily life, i can CHOOSE to be happy as well. being the type of person i am, i could choose to see this as living in a world of black and white, choosing one extreme or the other. walking around in a state of denial about the elements that make up my life, on either side of the equation does little for my emotional and spiritual health and certainly does not make me any more whole or genuine. the facts of life, for me today, is that i have tough sh!t barrelling down the road at me and i can choose to live in the F.ear, U.ncertainty and D.oubt that brings or i can live in a world of mixed emotions, grateful for what i do have and allowing myself to find joy in whatever positive things that occur in my day today.
yesterday i had to bolt from a meeting, because it was just not doing anything for me. the meeting was tiny and felt like an echo chamber of “yippy-skippy” platitudes and self-congratulatory bullsh!t. of course, due to the issues in my life, my filters are more than a bit warped and what i “felt” may have not been anywhere close to reality. nevertheless, jumping to Santa Cruz, gave me the meeting that fit my needs yesterday, where real addicts were discussing real issues in their lives and staying clean, despite all that was happening. listening to them, made me feel connected and although what they said, may or may not have matched my Experience, Strength and Hope, it gave me pause to consider that maybe i need to find the HOPE that has been lacking lately in my life. i GOT TO feel a part of, once again and that felt good. today, i GET TO go spend some time with my Dad, finish up the coding project i have been struggling with, get a few miles of blood, sweat and tears and finds the ways and means to seek a bit of joy, in the gloom that has besotted me lately. i may not walk through this day with an idiotic grin on my face, but i also will choose to to wail and gnash my teeth as i attempt to exert power where i am powerless. it is a good day to walk through clean and choosing to be a bit better than yesterday.

∞ DT ∞