Blog entry for:

and setting aside my own thoughts and opinions, i MAY hear exactly what i NEED to hear.
for the first time this week i actually feel like i am right where i am supposed to be. i have been everywhere else doing this and that, chasing down opportunities, meeting with people in and out of recovery and generally not getting any paying gigs done. today, unless something way drastic occurs, i will be at my desktop pounding away at getting some web pages set-up in a content management system, that i am learning on the fly. so with check-in done, there is another task that needs to be accomplished:

2922 Just for Today's in a row
That is way too awesome, Linda L
(for the math challenged that is 8 years clean)
Keep Coming Back!

so where do i go from here…
well there are always more than a few roads to travel down. i could be the rah-rah cheerleader and say man active listening, is the most important skill i ever learned, i only wish i was better at it, but with practice i will get better at it. that is quite true, and nothing more needs to be said down that line.
i could spout the party-line about how important it is for me and my recovery to pay attention to what is being said instead of drifting off into all sorts of nonsensical behavior, such as rehearsing what i am about to share. that is also quite true and no further exploration is required there.
so knocking off the easy targets where does that put me? well… after a momentary pause… what i think i need to work in is active listening but choosing my path. i met with a sponsee on Monday night, who has to take a leap of FAITH and walk out of incarceration this morning with nowhere to go and no one to be there for him. he told me that, i was listening. he also expressed concern about that, and i said it was a great way to start a THIRD STEP, and it is. he then said he had trouble asking for help. i heard what he was asking, namely me for me to volunteer to come down and get him, rescuing him from the unknown future today will bring. i almost fell for it, then i let my HIGHER POWER speak and ignored the implied request. i guess i am getting better after all. i hate having to lead someone by the nose, i also hate allowing another to hurt themselves when there is a soft landing available. I KNOW, however, that i learn best when i fall down, get up, brush myself off and look to where i made my misstep. if that works for me, it more than likely will work for others as well. stepping away for co-dependency has been a recurring theme in my recovery, especially lately it seems. as i grow, i know that what was, is just that was appropriate and what is, is appropriate and there really is no mincing words. am i worried about my sponsee, walking away from jail straight into a situation that will lead him to using, YES! what am i going to do about it? well, as the step i am working, or better put is working me, says straight out, i have decided to surrender that into the quite capable care of the POWER that fuels my recovery. as to the other news i received last night? i choose not to comment, in only HOPE that he surrenders his will and his life into the care of his HIGHER POWER, does not use, and does not complete the plan he once told me about. that too, is now in the care of a POWER GREATER than me and my addict within.
so as the top of the hour approaches and i have run out of stuff to say, i guess it is time to hit the streets and work off some energy and fat cells. that too, is a gift that i am grateful for today, the desire to take care of myself, where i can. you know:
DO THE FVCKING FOOTWORK and LEAVE THE OUTCOME TO THE POWER THAT FUELS MY RECOVERY!
just for right now anyhow.

∞ DT ∞