Blog entry for:

i will find someone today, with whom to share it. as i sit here this morning enjoying my ride to Denver, well sort of, i ponder if i really want to give away what i have, the reading suggests quite strongly that i do so without conditions, and most of the time i can do so. today, however, i am wondering if i truly want to give something away, that is so precious, and have it stomped on, ignored or even worse minimized and tossed in the figurative sh!t can. there are people in my life, who are desperate for this gift, but not ready to accept it. there are others who say they want it and only to decide that maybe today they can do it themselves. than of course, there are those who gratefully accept the gift and pass it on, better for their contribution. that is the dilemma, who do i give it to? am i really such a good judge of character and people that i can see in an instant who really wants the gift of recovery?
the answers are anyone and no, respectively, and here is where my sense of entitlement kicks in. somewhere along this path i have come to believe that because i have longevity, everyone who does not NEEDS to accept and use the gift of recovery whenever i deign to offer it. just a bit twisted i know, but for some reason, typing that out already taken the power away from that thought and lifted the cloud that has been hanging over me since i read the reading this morning. the real trick for me is to put that into action. the material i promised to send needs to be prepared and sent this afternoon. the letter that has been languishing in cyberspace needs to be completed and sent as well. the FOURTH STEP that is kicking my butt NEEDS to be started and my time as precious as it is NEEDS to be better managed. most importantly i NEED to give my gift away even to confusingly bad poets, with subject matter that is nothing but bumper sticker slogans. it is not up to me to decide who deserves this gift or not. after all, if that determination had been made about me in my first 13 months of recovery, chances are, i would not be here right now.
with that in mind, i think i will sign-off and read the letter i have yet to complete so i can print it out and send it as well. it is a good day to give away what i have been given and who knows, maybe everyone i give it to, will use it to the best of their ability, just for today.

∞ DT ∞