Blog entry for:

of recovery, i have received through this program of recovery, freely and gratefully away. i know, a bit of a choppy start, that is what happens when i try to fit what i read, into a neatly wrapped up package to fit what i **heard.** yesterday in this space i shared my **iron-clad** exit strategy from this recovery gig. i also shared about last night at a meeting and i was surprised none of my peers challenged me on the notion that someone like me, may actually have an “exit strategy.” i know in my share last night i did a poor job of connecting what i think and feel to how i behave and it is for clarity that this morning i elucidate how that all fits in my life.
i am not a “GOD” kind of guy, who walks around in awe of the mystery, majesty and magic of religious zeal. GOD's ways may be mysterious to others, but to me they just are and why GOD allows the not so good to flourish in tandem with the good, is a question i stopped considering years ago as it truly is not relevant to the spiritual path i practice. with all of that as a preface, the notion that the day i leave recovery is the day it stops working for me, is not a stretch of anyone's imagination. there is a huge caveat that i hold myself to and that is before i determine whether or not recovery is still “working” for me, by any of my highly subjective criteria, i have to honestly answer the question of whether or not i help up my end of the bargain, by doing everything in my power, to the best of my ability, to foster my recovery.
the power to stay clean, day after day,. may come from a HIGHER POWER, as i can certainly see it is beyond my abilities. the ability to recover from addiction, day by day, however is born of my desire to do whatever it takes to stay clean. GOD does not write steps. GOD does not choose for me where i go and who i hang with. GOD does not “sit” or do daily inventories. GOD does not sponsor others or go into facilities to carry a message of HOPE. when all is said and done, i CHOOSE to do all of that, not because GOD says so, but because that is part of the deal i make on a daily basis: i GET to stay clean another day, when i CHOOSE to live a program of recovery.
if any of what i just wrote is offensive to anyone, and i am certain that it just may be, take a breath and relax. my measure of how well i am doing on any given day, is how “hard” it is for me to do any or all of the activities that GOD cannot do for me. this daily deal of recovery, at least for me, means a whole lot more than wrapping it up in a nice box, with foil paper and a beautiful bow. for me, if it is not practical, than it is not spiritual and so far i have found nothing in living an active program of recovery, impractical. as i prepare to walk out the door and start to live in the real world this morning, it is always good to separate what is mine from what is in the care of the POWER that fuels my recovery. self-will is my biggest bugaboo today and spending thirty-five minutes in traffic gives me far too many opportunities to dive into that cesspool. i can practice a spiritual program on my commute and perhaps, when all is said and done, i will be grateful for doing so, just for today.

∞ DT ∞