๐ no regrets for 😕
Posted: Tue, Jan 30, 2024 07:50:42 AM
being kind. i have to admit, since coming back from Africa and attempting to corral my Mom*s estate stuff into shape, i have been a real, honest to goodness dickhead asshole, when it comes to that minor slice of my life. that attitude has carried over into my personal life and certainly into work and on this the first of three days off from work for bereavement leave, i woke up way to early, possible remembering something my Mom told me several months ago. i might be misremembering or a victim of wishful thinking, but if not, i am the sole beneficiary of her 401K - IRA account. which will make things a whole lot easier to be kind. i will be able to help out her caregiver, my niece, in real time, instead of months down the road. i still have research to do, but if it is not wishful thinking …
i could up with a hundred reasons why i have been less than kind to almost everyone in my life, BUT, and yes it is a big one, all of those rationalizations and justifications pale in the face of my recovery. the fact is, i have been clean long enough, worked enough steps and practiced enough spiritual principles to make decisions of how to act and to choose to defer to kindness, rather than lashing out because i am hurting, physically and emotionally and feel stressed out and put upon. this morning, after a bit of tossing and turning, i decided that perhaps, today, i would be a bit better at not making all of those around me, feel my pain. all i have to do, is remember that just for today, i do have a choice to live better and act better and that choice is one i consciously make, with little or no forethought on my part. it is all a matter of getting back in step with my spiritual program and allowing what is, to simply be.
i know that this afternoon, as i trudge through her paperwork, will be far from calm and serene, as i know that she and i are alike when it comes to saving paper trails, far too anal to throw away any single scrap of paper that may “someday” be important. today's quest? the quit claim for my brother's house and the title for my Mom's car. what else, might pop out, is yet to be discovered and it is my job to carry out this search with due diligence. life does go on and i no longer need to live under the shadow of my regrets. being kind, IMHO, costs nothing and is a choice i can consciously make today.
i could up with a hundred reasons why i have been less than kind to almost everyone in my life, BUT, and yes it is a big one, all of those rationalizations and justifications pale in the face of my recovery. the fact is, i have been clean long enough, worked enough steps and practiced enough spiritual principles to make decisions of how to act and to choose to defer to kindness, rather than lashing out because i am hurting, physically and emotionally and feel stressed out and put upon. this morning, after a bit of tossing and turning, i decided that perhaps, today, i would be a bit better at not making all of those around me, feel my pain. all i have to do, is remember that just for today, i do have a choice to live better and act better and that choice is one i consciously make, with little or no forethought on my part. it is all a matter of getting back in step with my spiritual program and allowing what is, to simply be.
i know that this afternoon, as i trudge through her paperwork, will be far from calm and serene, as i know that she and i are alike when it comes to saving paper trails, far too anal to throw away any single scrap of paper that may “someday” be important. today's quest? the quit claim for my brother's house and the title for my Mom's car. what else, might pop out, is yet to be discovered and it is my job to carry out this search with due diligence. life does go on and i no longer need to live under the shadow of my regrets. being kind, IMHO, costs nothing and is a choice i can consciously make today.
∞ DT ∞