โ perhaps for the first time, โ
Posted: Tue, Dec 3, 2013 07:45:47 AM
i can now see a vision of my new life. there really is no perhaps in my vision. today, i see myself having an actual future. today i see myself, having the opportunity to become the sort of person i once believed was a fantasy. today, well i am sure you get the drift…
so is this a result of fate, luck or hard work? i am certain that each and every one of you,, have your own answer for that, for me, well it is not nearly that simple. it was an unfortunate set of circumstances that brought me to the brink of recovery. yes, i was participating in a lifestyle, that included multiple felonies on a daily basis. before you go and get all high and mighty, remember JUST THE USE of CONTROLLED substances, constitutes a felony. anyhow, it was my lifestyle that created the circumstances that brought me to the doors of the rooms. it was my refusal to accept the situation i was in and comply with the strictures put upon me by the legal system that broke my resistance. was i destined to come to recovery? looking at the facts, in a superstitious manner, of course i was, there was no way i should have ever been convicted of anything,. much less charged with a crime, stuff happens. it was a perfect storm of people and places and times that set this process in motion. or perhaps, on a more spiritual, albeit religious angle. GOD did for me, what i could not do for myself, sentenced me to recovery through the pain and tribulation of the justice system.
all of that aside, i do not see my arrival at the doors of recovery as something i was fated to, nor was i somehow rescued from myself by a GOD that i do not understand. i am perfectly okay, seeing my arrival at the brink of recovery, as result of what i chose to do, who i chose to do it with and pure laziness, as i was seeking the easiest, softest way out of the legal jam i found myself in. a perfect storm of angst and gaming the system, that certainly did not turn out the way i had planned. and yes i had a plan. my sponse believes that me having a plan when i walked into the rooms, is something incredible and beyond belief. he had the gift of desperation when he started his journey. i did not even have the desire to stay clean, when i started mine. no i had a legal problem , as i am fond of saying, and this recovery gig, was my way out of the justice system. it did end up being my ticket out of legal trouble and led to a chain of consequences i never dreamt would occur, starting with a chain of just for the next five minutes, as my early recovery certainly was.
enough of the ancient history lesson, where that all led to, is where i am at today. i have listed the gifts of recovery more than once, but the one i am most grateful for, is the vision of the man i want to be. best of all, that vision comes with a road map of how to achieve it. i am not fated or destined to become that man, nor do i believe that some form of miraculous transformation will occur and POOF, there i am. no i believe i am given the opportunities to do the work necessary to become that person, through my interaction with the rest of humanity. if i stay awake long enough to listen and see what i need to see, i can act on those opportunities and continue my journey. it is hard work and looking for the opportunities that the POWER that fuels my recovery, provides, that has made me what i am today and allows me to become the vision of the man i have always wanted to be.
SPEAKING OF WHICH, IT IS TIME TO HIT THE DUSTY AND GET TO THE JOB THAT KEEPS THE HOUSE WARM AND THE ROOF OVER MY HEAD. that is one of the gifts that keeps on giving, a career and job that i like doing, just for today.
so is this a result of fate, luck or hard work? i am certain that each and every one of you,, have your own answer for that, for me, well it is not nearly that simple. it was an unfortunate set of circumstances that brought me to the brink of recovery. yes, i was participating in a lifestyle, that included multiple felonies on a daily basis. before you go and get all high and mighty, remember JUST THE USE of CONTROLLED substances, constitutes a felony. anyhow, it was my lifestyle that created the circumstances that brought me to the doors of the rooms. it was my refusal to accept the situation i was in and comply with the strictures put upon me by the legal system that broke my resistance. was i destined to come to recovery? looking at the facts, in a superstitious manner, of course i was, there was no way i should have ever been convicted of anything,. much less charged with a crime, stuff happens. it was a perfect storm of people and places and times that set this process in motion. or perhaps, on a more spiritual, albeit religious angle. GOD did for me, what i could not do for myself, sentenced me to recovery through the pain and tribulation of the justice system.
all of that aside, i do not see my arrival at the doors of recovery as something i was fated to, nor was i somehow rescued from myself by a GOD that i do not understand. i am perfectly okay, seeing my arrival at the brink of recovery, as result of what i chose to do, who i chose to do it with and pure laziness, as i was seeking the easiest, softest way out of the legal jam i found myself in. a perfect storm of angst and gaming the system, that certainly did not turn out the way i had planned. and yes i had a plan. my sponse believes that me having a plan when i walked into the rooms, is something incredible and beyond belief. he had the gift of desperation when he started his journey. i did not even have the desire to stay clean, when i started mine. no i had a legal problem , as i am fond of saying, and this recovery gig, was my way out of the justice system. it did end up being my ticket out of legal trouble and led to a chain of consequences i never dreamt would occur, starting with a chain of just for the next five minutes, as my early recovery certainly was.
enough of the ancient history lesson, where that all led to, is where i am at today. i have listed the gifts of recovery more than once, but the one i am most grateful for, is the vision of the man i want to be. best of all, that vision comes with a road map of how to achieve it. i am not fated or destined to become that man, nor do i believe that some form of miraculous transformation will occur and POOF, there i am. no i believe i am given the opportunities to do the work necessary to become that person, through my interaction with the rest of humanity. if i stay awake long enough to listen and see what i need to see, i can act on those opportunities and continue my journey. it is hard work and looking for the opportunities that the POWER that fuels my recovery, provides, that has made me what i am today and allows me to become the vision of the man i have always wanted to be.
SPEAKING OF WHICH, IT IS TIME TO HIT THE DUSTY AND GET TO THE JOB THAT KEEPS THE HOUSE WARM AND THE ROOF OVER MY HEAD. that is one of the gifts that keeps on giving, a career and job that i like doing, just for today.
∞ DT ∞