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that fuels my recovery happens to be, i am less likely to repeat living in self-will.
i certainly find the notion of using a daily TENTH STEP as the means to reconcile, my self-will, my true will and the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery. i can even see the reason for doing it at the end of my day, rather than any other time as that is when the events of the day are the freshest in my mind. as my friend Rebecca has spoke of in the past, the TENTH STEP, is my vehicle for resolving the cognitive dissonance, i have when i live in self-will, ungrateful for what others go out of their way to do for me, and believing i am entitled to whatever the fVck i think i want, be it money, love or the respect of my peers, i am apt to need a bit of correction. to go through my life, day in and day out living in a world consumed by self-will, is not only destructive to my relationships, but to my well-being as well. there really is not a whole lot more here. any apologies i think i am owed is part of that entitlement thinking., any amends or corrections from others, is just self-will run riot. the reading speaks to looking at my behaviors, feelings and attitudes and seeing how i contributed to those situations that i feel were a burden, or onerous and vexatious to me. i can be a victim for as long as i desire, but is that really my own true will, or even the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery? what i am hearing as i approach the end of this, is not only NO but HELL NO and do not ever ask again. no in this sense, my own true will, is to stand-up for myself or just walk away, as in these relationships i will never be whole, healthy or even happy.
where do i go with that knowledge, well off to the showers and into my day. not off in to the sunset nor out into the world with a flamethrower and Molotov cocktails ready to avenge the slightest wrong. nope, i will go out into today, secure in the knowledge that my feelings are not wrong and i am okay, just as i am today. it is a good day to be more than i was yesterday!

∞ DT ∞