โ though my life differs from those of my peers, โ
Posted: Wed, Jul 2, 2014 08:03:06 AM
the spiritual principles we apply are the same.
ironically, it is not spiritual principles that are screaming at me this morning, it is commenting on the chaos i see to always be on the edge of these days. there was once a time where i liked to be in the middle causing the chaos by manipulating someone else into doing my dirty work. in fact i became rather an expert at it, and that skill followed me into recovery and has been lingering at the edges of my current set of behaviors for quite some time. gratefully, as i see the chaos in the lives around me, i am not willing to flip that switch and have come to see, that too, is a part of the character defect removal process.
so the impetus of this line of thought was the sh!t storm that took off over the past few days. one of my peers, made a disparaging comment, and was slammed up and down for doing so. not they are all butt hurt and whining about the consequences of their actions. rightly or wrongly, they happened to throw the first pitch and i am not quite certain what they expected to happen as a result, but they certainly got a reaction and quite a nasty one, as some of their not so pristine linen is now out for public consumption..
back to me, as i am looking at the universe from its very center. what does this have to do with me? well i can feel that very familiar but rusty skill, calling at me to stir this pot, just the slightest bit, as that is all it would take to really get the chaos swirling. as appealing as that once was to me, it really is not something i choose to exercise today. in fact, even bringing all of this up, as i sit here and write this morning, is testimony about how far i have to grow, to become the man i have always wanted to be. today i understand the implications of the THIRD disturbing realization and i take responsibility for my life. i no longer want to cast myself as the victim of a sh!tstorm i set off, nor do i want to seek to shift the blame from m,y shoulders. if i decide to go into a pissing match, i certainly have to expect to get wet. do not get me wrong, what happened was sad and was taken to an extreme that certainly caused some damage and harm, and there is no excusing, rationalizing or justifying that behavior as well. a predictable consequence, such as it is, does not minimize the harm done and i feel empathy for all the involved parties, which is certainly a unique feeling for someone like me. once upon a time, i would have chortled with gruesome please at the suffering caused by the hands of others, today i get absolutely nothing but sadness and the desire to run away, far away, after all that could certainly be me, in either role, the perpetrator or the victim. today i have learned a thing or two, the biggest of all is that if i CANNOT accept the foreseeable consequences of my actions, just do NOT do the deed, it really is that simple for me.
as the hour grows late, i will end with this thought. today i am grateful i do not have the desire to be the center of any sh!tstorm and when the dust settles from the latest one, as it always does, i will remember that there are THREE disturbing realizations and number THREE is the one that applies the most in my daily living.
ironically, it is not spiritual principles that are screaming at me this morning, it is commenting on the chaos i see to always be on the edge of these days. there was once a time where i liked to be in the middle causing the chaos by manipulating someone else into doing my dirty work. in fact i became rather an expert at it, and that skill followed me into recovery and has been lingering at the edges of my current set of behaviors for quite some time. gratefully, as i see the chaos in the lives around me, i am not willing to flip that switch and have come to see, that too, is a part of the character defect removal process.
so the impetus of this line of thought was the sh!t storm that took off over the past few days. one of my peers, made a disparaging comment, and was slammed up and down for doing so. not they are all butt hurt and whining about the consequences of their actions. rightly or wrongly, they happened to throw the first pitch and i am not quite certain what they expected to happen as a result, but they certainly got a reaction and quite a nasty one, as some of their not so pristine linen is now out for public consumption..
back to me, as i am looking at the universe from its very center. what does this have to do with me? well i can feel that very familiar but rusty skill, calling at me to stir this pot, just the slightest bit, as that is all it would take to really get the chaos swirling. as appealing as that once was to me, it really is not something i choose to exercise today. in fact, even bringing all of this up, as i sit here and write this morning, is testimony about how far i have to grow, to become the man i have always wanted to be. today i understand the implications of the THIRD disturbing realization and i take responsibility for my life. i no longer want to cast myself as the victim of a sh!tstorm i set off, nor do i want to seek to shift the blame from m,y shoulders. if i decide to go into a pissing match, i certainly have to expect to get wet. do not get me wrong, what happened was sad and was taken to an extreme that certainly caused some damage and harm, and there is no excusing, rationalizing or justifying that behavior as well. a predictable consequence, such as it is, does not minimize the harm done and i feel empathy for all the involved parties, which is certainly a unique feeling for someone like me. once upon a time, i would have chortled with gruesome please at the suffering caused by the hands of others, today i get absolutely nothing but sadness and the desire to run away, far away, after all that could certainly be me, in either role, the perpetrator or the victim. today i have learned a thing or two, the biggest of all is that if i CANNOT accept the foreseeable consequences of my actions, just do NOT do the deed, it really is that simple for me.
as the hour grows late, i will end with this thought. today i am grateful i do not have the desire to be the center of any sh!tstorm and when the dust settles from the latest one, as it always does, i will remember that there are THREE disturbing realizations and number THREE is the one that applies the most in my daily living.
∞ DT ∞