Blog entry for:

i am freed to progress in my recovery and achieve freedom from guilt.
so i slept like crap last night, because i cannot let go of one fat, lazy, slovenly and excuse-ridden vexatious person, who now is part of my life. in fact she is such a burden on my soul right now, i am thinking about taking the next few days off from work. and yet, the part of me that is a stubborn MF, says no, hell no, i am not about to let this pig chase me out of work, the real satisfaction will come when i let go and allow myself the freedom to ignore her and the damage she is doing, after all, she is such a rotten programmer that she barely gets anything done anyhow. soon enough, things will change, and i will no longer need to bare her incessant whining and the imposition of her lunch permeating the entire office with its reek of rotting fishy offal. in fact, just writing this down, is certainly make me feel better and i can hit the road this morning knowing that there is no shame, in finding in someone else, all that i was, and could once again be. the nature of my guilt here,. is having to admit i was wrong to champion her, when we were in the hiring process, i misread her skill level and should have asked why she was in management and no longer in the trenches, but that has been made abundantly clear, by the waterfall of continual excuses that falls from her work station.
so the real question is how do i really feel? all that venom, is really not about her, it is about me, and even though i act out by attacking her at work and stabbing her in the back every chance i get, what it really is about is my shame and she is merely the beneficiary of that vial of nasty bad will.
definitely a 10TH STEP question, did i let go of the behavior of others today?
can i forgive myself for believing she would be an asset and not a liability, well maybe, today, as i move forward into getting ready for work. and if she happen to stumble across this particular rant, in between her twenty minutes of texting? well we will certainly need to talk, however, i sort of doubt that will ever happen as she has used the ultimate insult recently, even after i posted how offensive it was to someone like me, but she is far too into herself to ever think about anyone else, as her fishy lunches seem to attest to, “but it tastes good!”

∞ DT ∞