โด i accept responsibility for my problems โด
Posted: Fri, Aug 8, 2014 07:53:22 AM
and see that i am equally responsible for my solutions. well, a quick vent and then on to something more. i will just say this, i am surprised the lengths some people will go to, to avoid doing what they are being paid to do, and this is from a so-called member of the other 85%, i truly wonder what her work ethic would be, if she was an addict like me.
her behavior reminds me of myself, in active addiction, in early recovery and from time to time, as i continue to walk this path. i had an excuse for everything and when all else failed, i could fall back on the “it is not my job,*#8221; argument. technically i was right, and as i got better and better at blame shifting, i spun deeper and deeper into my life as a using addict. life certainly looked good on the outside, i got high every day, worked enough to keep msyelf high every day, and DID NOT HAVE TO TAKE THE BLAME FOR ANYTHING!, my problems, became someone else's and their solutions needed to be done in real time! so it was quite a shock, when after a year and a half clean, discovered the three disturbing realizations, was began to actually consider the implication of number two. to say the least, i was more than a bit disturbed :). so here i sit, a few days later, wondering how i can better tolerate the blame shifting, irresponsible member of development team at work. what ticks me off, time and again, is that they GET to do, what i always wanted to do, the minimum of work, the least responsibility and the most whining. nothing is good enough and it is certainly always someone else's fault.
no today, fortunately, all i get is pissed off watching someone else do it. for me, i have a higher standard that i try and hold myself to, day in and day out, and because of this my frustration level at work has risen to the point where i no longer like going there, on most days. it is showing up in my personal life, i am intolerant of my friends and peers. i am intolerant of myself. all i want to do, is fantasize about winning millions of dollars in the lottery and walking away from all of my responsibility, by buying it out. which is certainly a shame, as i am mostly grateful to be a part of this world, when i am not at work.
yes it is easy to blame and scapegoat, but it is not my co-worker's fault, regardless of her behavior, it is mine for allowing myself to react in a negative and destructive manner. i have to walk with FAITH, that if this is how it is supposed to be, than it is my job to tolerate and accept it, or move along. which does remind me, it is time to move along and be a part of what i can be today. there is my own work to clean-up and i certainly have enough garbage on my side of the street to clean-up. so the problem is not really her, it is me, and i need to find the solution to my problem, which means letting go and allowing the POWER that fuels my recovery to do IT's job.
her behavior reminds me of myself, in active addiction, in early recovery and from time to time, as i continue to walk this path. i had an excuse for everything and when all else failed, i could fall back on the “it is not my job,*#8221; argument. technically i was right, and as i got better and better at blame shifting, i spun deeper and deeper into my life as a using addict. life certainly looked good on the outside, i got high every day, worked enough to keep msyelf high every day, and DID NOT HAVE TO TAKE THE BLAME FOR ANYTHING!, my problems, became someone else's and their solutions needed to be done in real time! so it was quite a shock, when after a year and a half clean, discovered the three disturbing realizations, was began to actually consider the implication of number two. to say the least, i was more than a bit disturbed :). so here i sit, a few days later, wondering how i can better tolerate the blame shifting, irresponsible member of development team at work. what ticks me off, time and again, is that they GET to do, what i always wanted to do, the minimum of work, the least responsibility and the most whining. nothing is good enough and it is certainly always someone else's fault.
no today, fortunately, all i get is pissed off watching someone else do it. for me, i have a higher standard that i try and hold myself to, day in and day out, and because of this my frustration level at work has risen to the point where i no longer like going there, on most days. it is showing up in my personal life, i am intolerant of my friends and peers. i am intolerant of myself. all i want to do, is fantasize about winning millions of dollars in the lottery and walking away from all of my responsibility, by buying it out. which is certainly a shame, as i am mostly grateful to be a part of this world, when i am not at work.
yes it is easy to blame and scapegoat, but it is not my co-worker's fault, regardless of her behavior, it is mine for allowing myself to react in a negative and destructive manner. i have to walk with FAITH, that if this is how it is supposed to be, than it is my job to tolerate and accept it, or move along. which does remind me, it is time to move along and be a part of what i can be today. there is my own work to clean-up and i certainly have enough garbage on my side of the street to clean-up. so the problem is not really her, it is me, and i need to find the solution to my problem, which means letting go and allowing the POWER that fuels my recovery to do IT's job.
∞ DT ∞