Blog entry for:

well today i am in a better space. what has changed? well Jim is still dieing, i am still confused about what i am feeling, i am still at the same job and living in the same house -- so actually no part of my life has changed in the past twenty-four hours. so it must be me. i know that when i went to bed last night i would have screamed if one more person told me everything would work out for the best or me how i was doing or said that this too shall pass. i was sick of caring encouragement and all i wanted to do was isolate and pout.
what i can say is that this morning i am grateful for all the love and concern that i have received over the past thirty six hours. that encouragement has been the extra boost i needed to stay clean and stay here. the part of me i call my disease has been screaming to run away, far away, ignore what is happening and wait for it all to be over. and truthfully that sounded like a very good idea more than once in the past couple of days. well today i am still here, looking forward to a peaceful day in the foothills with my girl friend and letting things settle to where they will
--- hmmmm ------
sounds a bit like acceptance ----
no way, not this addict, it could not be, well....
∞ DT ∞