Blog entry for:

okay i could doom and gloom a compare and contrast my life today, as someone who does his best to live a program of recovery, with my life as a using addict, who did his level best to be high and stay high, every single day. although those kind of topics are great, and even have their place in my life, today, i heard a slightly different twist, when i could settle enough to actually listen to the quiet. it has been an interesting week for me and the men i sponsor. i guided one through a FIFTH STEP on Sunday, and got my newest sponsee started on the road of the FIRST STEP last night. whale we were eating at the fast casual restaurant i suggested i asked him what he wanted to do. was being a member of the “NO MATTER WHAT” club enough for him, or did he want more out of his recovery journey. his answer was hardly a surprise, and i wonder if my very first sponsor had asked me that question, if my recovery and hence my life taken a different direction.
when i got clean, i was not given that choice and thought that all this was about was my ability to be a member of the “NO MATTER WHAT” club. before anyone gets butt-hurt and think i am dissing recovery, for me, membership in that club is not only sufficient but it is NECESSARY, for me to get anything else out of the recovery journey. i do not know how many times i have heard one of my peers say that they did not get clean nor will they stay clean, if they are still miserable, but they refuse to do anything, recovery-wise to end their misery. what i have see happen as a result is seeking behavior, seeking that right partner or activity that makes them feel like something more, for just a minute and eventual relapse. they justify it by saying that they are bored with the whole meetings and work gig, and just this once they think that a quick fix will make them feel excited about their life and future.
been there done that, finally cleaning up the bills from that era!
no it seems to be part of my sponsorship tradition, that recovery is much, much more than just not using, no matter what. i am not talking about “advanced” recovery or anything of that sort, i am talking about what comes after i finally accepted my membership in the “NO MATTER WHAT” club. i am talking about what comes after the desire to use has left me and i find that i need something more. i am talking about finding the start of the path of becoming the sort of person i have always wanted to be, even though i did not realize that was what i was seeking. do not get me wrong material things, creature comforts and recreation are all wonderful things, but i NEED to look at myself and my life and see if i am replacing my recovery journey with the pursuit of that fleeting happiness.am i sacrificing my relationships with my peers, my family, my co-workers and my friends to swell my bank account or accumulate more things? have i moved out of fitting my life into my recovery and am i trying to squeeze recovery into my life? how can i get more out of my recovery than just another day clean? the answers to these questions and more, i have found in the steps. what i will not do today is settle for anything, especially when there is a simple and yes spiritual way to get so much more. speaking of more money, more money, more money, it is time to get rolling down the road to work. i am grateful that today i am not a newcomer, nor will i pretend that i do not think continuous clean time is not a big deal to me. i have what i have BECAUSE i stayed clean not despite it, and that is the message of HOPE i want to bring today, that yes Virginia there is life after getting clean.

∞ DT ∞