Blog entry for:

i am SO special.
This could quickly turn into a compare and contrast between my peers and myself. After all, I can see many examples of this sort of behavior all the time. To tell the truth I sometimes get a bit, well belay that last a LOT, jealous of my those who seem to glide through recovery not doing anything, or hardly anything at all. They appear to have everything I desire, without having to do the work I have and continue to do. I want to know their secret formula for succeeding in recovery without really trying.
Of course what I think I see, and what is actually happening are usually two different things and as I speak to them I discover one of two things, either they are not doing as well I thought, or they are doing a whole lot more recovery work than I gave them credit for, and I am left wondering why the fVck I am so hung up with what others are doing, when I certainly know what works for me?
For me, recovery is a daily gig. All of those suggestions I implemented way back before I was even a member, are still part of my morning routine. As I sit here this morning, I can say with a great deal of certainty that I will not be going to a meeting today, I will be offered more than one cocktail, over the course of today, and depending on what we end up doing, perhaps something even stronger. It is also true, that even if I was home, I probably would not be going to a meeting and the opportunity to “use” legally would also be presented to me. I am not that far out of my everyday life, down south, here in the tropics. I am certainly aware enough of who and what I am, that I am taking care of myself, unless of course this is all a sham, that I write on Saturday evening March 11th, just to look like some paragon of fVcking recovery, after all, who would do something crazy such as writing about how messed up they are or are not, when they ara far, far away from the prying eyes of everyone one knows?
Certainly food for thought. Me, if one chooses to believe that this exercise is a reflection of my current spiritual fitness, think that breakfast, pool time and then into the city for some all out bartering and shopping time, is a good plan for today. I will present that to my partner in crimes, as it were and see what we end up doing. Who knows, we may even stumble on to a meeting list😜.

∞ DT ∞