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and reality or better put, my grip on reality. across the course of the weekend i got the opportunity to deal with not only being honest, but also facing the reality of where i put myself a fourteen months ago, as i cleaned up the last nasty bit of that bidness by filing my taxes. not that i was a happy camper having to pay some, but at least i could make the payment instead of stressing until April 15th. way back when i had to make a financial move to keep the lights on, and as a result paid as little taxes on that as i possibly could under the assumption that i would make far less money in 2022 than in 2021 and i would get a huge return. things did not work out that way. when i laid my head on the pillow on Saturday evening, however, i was satisfied that i did the right thing, by paying taxes right then and there and moving on. two days later, i do not regret my decision but i do know that i have to start making some sort plans for my future. i can no longer blithely go through my life withouts considering what happens next, hoping to strike it rich in the sucker games called the lottery. i do make enough these days to keep paying down my debt and to find the ways and means to save a little bit each and every pay day, it is just going to take me taking the time to look at what i need to spend and what is actually desire.
i am in the office today, because i chose to open up tomorrow for my friend who may be having a huge upgrade in his living situation. it is nice to have a job that allows me the freedom to make that sort of change. as this week progresses i have other alterations to my original plan, already in the works. after spending the afternoon in the cigar store with two of the men who call me their sponsor, i have the notion that my honesty may have been enough to propel them forward into the work they need to do. as i considered my day last night, i felt that what i had to tell them and what they may have heard was a balance between me being honest and the reality of their spiritual condition. i know for me anyhow, it means paying attention to their needs as well as their desires when it comes down to my time and resources. i may joke about my newest sponsee not going anywhere soon, but that does not mean i can ignore his needs either. i will have to make the effort to get in to see him on Thursday night and get ready to start a conversation about his recovery process as well. he may be a “captive audience,” as it were, but that does not mean i can dismiss his needs and desires just because it takes an extra effort to see him. that too, is reality and being honest with myself i am certain i can step up to the plate and provide him my experience, strength and hope.
as i get ready to return to the task at hand and get my next project under way, i am certain that IF i allow myself the freedom to live honestly, just for today, i will get everything that i need to get. what i need to get right now is a cuppa coffee and two hundred and fifty steps, even though i will be traveling to my first in person all hands meeting, because i happen to be in the office and not working from home. it is a good day to be honest and face the reality fo what it means to be me.

∞ DT ∞