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as if my life depends on it, because i am quite certain that it does. a couple of threads running through my head this morning. the first being a very newish peer, who seems to believe that they may be the savior of our fellowship and the still suffering addict. even while speaking to them, all i got was the litany of how well they were doing and nothing, absolutely nothing about how exactly they were doing or any acknowledgement of their part in the tempest surrounding them. that is certainly okay, because i know the REAL truth lies somewhere between what i have heard on both sides, and it is not my place to say anything, unless i am asked. i have my opinions and yes a judgement or three, i will not even try to sugar-coat that with a term such as discernment, but just for today, i think i will keep those to myself. the fact is, i am not the arbiter of recovery in anyone else's life and do not plan to once again , take on that role.
the second track, similar to the first one, is my current view of the fellowship world and my place within it. u know that i would have ZERO days clean, if it was not for my peers and the fellowship that has been built by them. i know that i cannot rescue those who will not walk for themselves. i know that using addicts, given the opportunity, will abuse my trust and drain me of every resource i have. i also know that while any addict CAN stop using and lose the desire to use, many simply will not. it is not that they lack the ability to do so, it is that they lack the desire. it is, however, not up to me to figure out who does or does not want to do the work to get and stay clean. i know finding a job, getting a place to live, getting one's family back and developing a bit of self-respect are certainly tasks that need to be undertaken when one is early in recovery, but absolutely NONE of that will keep one clean. in actuality, all of that is more of a distraction to the task at hand, building a solid program of recovery, through the process of the steps. even more importantly, learning to live that program, by carrying it forward into all of one's affairs.too many times my had up has been taken for a hand out, and the addict i was attempting to help is sorely disappointed when that trough runs dry. although i cannot gauge the desire of anyone else, i can get a good approximation by looking at their behaviors. i know the same is true for me, so just for today, i will live my program and be grateful that there is a fellowship to keep the lights on, in the rooms i choose to frequent.

∞ DT ∞