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however, much to my dismay, what appears to be the easier softer way, does not always turn out that way. the delicious irony here, is that the more i try and **shortcut** my way around an issue the harder it ends up being. one would have thought that with a bit of clean time and active recovery under my belt, that i would have learned to do things differently. yes, one might think that. what i hear when i think about being “sick and tired” is the echos of the part of me that i call addiction, telling me that there is a very easy way out and a quick trip to a participate in a completely legal activity will allow me the freedom to defer whatever it is that is bothering me. if i am careful and circumspect about that little retail activity, no one will ever know.
for me, at least just for today, that nuclear option, is not one i choose to exercise, as tempting as it may seem. i sort of, kind of, like the feeling of not having my mind altered and as weird and “two-shoes” as it may sound, i have come to enjoy seeing the world as it really is, with only my biases and prejudices to work through. i am living better without chemistry and i find that enjoyable today.
it is true, i have had better weeks, i am starting to feel STEP TWO take hold and am witness to all sorts of insanity in how i think and what i do. in fact, my latest obsession will certainly make me stronger, IF it does not kill me first, getting FIT! today i plan on doing two workouts, as i will be mostly unable to one tomorrow. the insane part of that is, that i do not even see that as a problem. when i started i said my goal was to walk a “fourteener” by the end of August, since then i have added run a 5K race by the end of the year. both are doable, but my “true” goal is to look better and healthier for my new doctor who will be giving my a physical in 10 days. i do not want to be chided for being overweight and out of shape, even though, that is the truth. what i want to hear is the “atta-boys” because i am in better shape than i feel i am in. time will tell with that as well and since my insanity has been put out there, i think i will make my costume change and exit stage right. it is a good day to be clean, and i know a little exercise will certainly help me approach the realistic fitness goals i have set for myself.

∞ DT ∞