Blog entry for:

likes a whiner, in tough times, sharing about HOW i stay clean is a gift i can give a newcomer and to my peers in recovery. take three. having started this sentence twice and not being able to put into words what i **heard** this morning, frustrates the living crap out of me. i am currently part of an unprecedented event in this post-modern world: living in the shadow of a disease that has the whole world grasping for stop gap solutions to keep society intact and reduce the strain of the services that make life comfortable. the result of all of these measures is that the very vehicle for newcomers to sample a the way of life that has brought me this far, has ground to a halt. how can someone who believes they may have a **drug problem,** and is seeking something different, find our fellowship, when we are **hunkering down** in our homes? i do not have the solution to that conundrum and this exercise is not really about suggesting one on a macro scale. what i heard was that i have to make a special effort to get the message out, by whatever means possible.
before i go on, i need to acknowledge a few of my peers who have been doing this gig for a few days in a row:

Christian F.
FOUR (4) years clean!
Congrats, this journey is not for “quitters.”

Carl K.
FORTY-TWO (42) years clean!
Congrats on living to the answer to Life, The Universe and Everything.

yes, those guys may not be the newcomers to recovery anymore, but like me, they are trying to figure out how to keep connected when one is being asked to stay home.
carrying the message, to the newest of new or my peers that may be struggling, is what i think i NEED to be doing. i have often chided my peers for being so laser-focused on being “positive” even when the world is burning down around them. the way i see the world can no longer be dropped into the binary buckets of positive or negative, and as a result, i finds measures of serenity, even when Rome burns around me. i remember my struggles, once upon a time with coming to terms with addiction and being an addict. having a “positive report” about life in recovery, or relating what i have been given through clichés, slogans and bumper stickers, does little, in my opinion, to foster HOPE in a newcomer. sharing about the SIXTH step, seems to me, as if i am speaking in Abyssinian to the person who is trying to decide if this way of life may be a choice they are willing to make. as one can tell, i have very strong opinions on this matter and learning to not judge my peers or roll my eyes when they go on and on about how little time active recovery takes, compared to the life of finding the ways and means, is certainly something i aspire to being able to accomplish. that is still a “process” and a project well worth my effort to foster on a daily basis.
i can be okay with the message i carry, even if it is not all about the bright side of my life. i am clean today. i have been clean for a number of days in a row. i aspire to live a program of recovery, actively and carry that out to my daily life. as i consider how to get a neighborhood ad-hoc meeting started, i can be okay knowing that i am doing my best and that i really do not need to but every can of kidney beans in the store, just for today.

∞ DT ∞