Blog entry for:

is always an interesting topic for me. part of moving forward in this recovery life. more than once i have ended up on amends list. i am way behind in getting this written and published. i have had a few work issues to clear up and lunch to eat. right here and right now, i now know that all that i do, may be rooted in my character defects, including forcing those in my life, to declare out loud, what their needs are, instead of waiting for me to ask. i also know the damage i have done to myself by buying into a lie forever, will need to be addressed in the future, but as i am fond of saying there is a step for that, and i am not on it.
moving forward, i foresee a whole lot more shaking going on. i am no longer playing victim to a lie and the belief system that i created is ever so slowly being replaced by a much healthier one. one of those beliefs was that since i was broken, i NEEDED to always enable others to wait for me to ask what they needed, even when they are quite capable of expressing their needs. sort of like future people-pleasing, for lack of a better term. i have been beat up about my sudden and what may look like inexplicable change in behavior and i have more than once wanted to defend that new way of interacting with others. i will get better at setting and maintaining that boundary, but for right now, i think i will just say that i am doing the best i can, with what i have, just for today.

∞ DT ∞