Blog entry for:
Sat, Aug 25, 2007 08:39:52 AM
∞ now, i have a chance to clean up that wreckage ∞
posted: Sat, Aug 25, 2007 08:39:52 AM
amend my past, and reclaim my life.
a reading about the ninth step, to ponder and wax poetically about, on this fine Saturday morning, what could be better? well ...
actually, this was one of those readings that did not apply to me for the longest time, one that i could ignore, and did in early recovery. my first sponsor told me to live the program by refusing to think about the steps ahead of where i was. and the ninth step was one of those steps that was not part of my six step program way back when.
i may sound glib about my attitudes and feelings in early recovery, but that is not the case. looking back on those days, as i often do in this particular part of my annual cycle, i am amazed that i ever managed to stay clean and get any sort of program, regardless of the external influences on my life. so today, with the advantage of hindsight, i see how absurd i was, and i am grateful that i can be more than that person who had no idea what was going on.
however i digress..
the ninth step was one of those steps that changed me so profoundly, every time i worked it, and with every single amends i have made, that i am grateful that i did not leaves before the miracle happened. i understand that the ninth step is for me, and not so much for the people, institutions and companies that i damaged in my life, in active addiction and in recovery. yes that collective gets a benefit, reparation of the damage i did, but the forgiveness i get is from the judge, jury and executioner that reside between my ears.
taking responsibility of my actions is a difficult pill to swallow, and much as i think the ninth step is an important part of my life, to this day i still hate to make amends of any sort. that distaste colors my behavior, and it seems to help me live life in a more spiritual manner. i know aversion therapy is not necessarily the best way to operate, but for this addict, it works. the only way i know of to not be accumulating a pile of amends is to live the simple program that i have been given, and today i can do that without reservation, at least right here and right now in the comfort of my own home and the privacy of my office. i will see how it goes the rest of the day ;)
so off to put this into practice ....
a reading about the ninth step, to ponder and wax poetically about, on this fine Saturday morning, what could be better? well ...
actually, this was one of those readings that did not apply to me for the longest time, one that i could ignore, and did in early recovery. my first sponsor told me to live the program by refusing to think about the steps ahead of where i was. and the ninth step was one of those steps that was not part of my six step program way back when.
i may sound glib about my attitudes and feelings in early recovery, but that is not the case. looking back on those days, as i often do in this particular part of my annual cycle, i am amazed that i ever managed to stay clean and get any sort of program, regardless of the external influences on my life. so today, with the advantage of hindsight, i see how absurd i was, and i am grateful that i can be more than that person who had no idea what was going on.
however i digress..
the ninth step was one of those steps that changed me so profoundly, every time i worked it, and with every single amends i have made, that i am grateful that i did not leaves before the miracle happened. i understand that the ninth step is for me, and not so much for the people, institutions and companies that i damaged in my life, in active addiction and in recovery. yes that collective gets a benefit, reparation of the damage i did, but the forgiveness i get is from the judge, jury and executioner that reside between my ears.
taking responsibility of my actions is a difficult pill to swallow, and much as i think the ninth step is an important part of my life, to this day i still hate to make amends of any sort. that distaste colors my behavior, and it seems to help me live life in a more spiritual manner. i know aversion therapy is not necessarily the best way to operate, but for this addict, it works. the only way i know of to not be accumulating a pile of amends is to live the simple program that i have been given, and today i can do that without reservation, at least right here and right now in the comfort of my own home and the privacy of my office. i will see how it goes the rest of the day ;)
so off to put this into practice ....
∞ DT ∞
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
wreckage of my past 209 words ➥ Wednesday, August 25, 2004 by: donnot↔ reclaiming my life ↔ 295 words ➥ Thursday, August 25, 2005 by: donnot
δ by clearing away the rubble that for so long has stood in the way of my progress δ 449 words ➥ Friday, August 25, 2006 by: donnot
… i have the opportunity to make amends -- to acquire … 495 words ➥ Monday, August 25, 2008 by: donnot
× i have reached an exciting stage in my recovery × 620 words ➥ Tuesday, August 25, 2009 by: donnot
Æ with the Twelve Steps and the help of a Higher Power Æ 508 words ➥ Wednesday, August 25, 2010 by: donnot
∑ i am achieving freedom from the wreckage of my past ∑ 684 words ➥ Thursday, August 25, 2011 by: donnot
⊗ i will take advantage of the opportunity to reclaim my life ⊗ 490 words ➥ Saturday, August 25, 2012 by: donnot
† the damage done by my peers, to their lives, † 474 words ➥ Sunday, August 25, 2013 by: donnot
∼ finally, i listed the amends needed to set my wrongs right ∼ 789 words ➥ Monday, August 25, 2014 by: donnot
≡ freedom from ≡ 462 words ➥ Tuesday, August 25, 2015 by: donnot
± gaining the ± 658 words ➥ Thursday, August 25, 2016 by: donnot
🗬 reclaiming my life 🗭 440 words ➥ Friday, August 25, 2017 by: donnot
🏚 the wreckage 🏗 674 words ➥ Saturday, August 25, 2018 by: donnot
🏔 clearing away the rubble 🏞 456 words ➥ Sunday, August 25, 2019 by: donnot
🎁 achieving freedom 🎁 385 words ➥ Tuesday, August 25, 2020 by: donnot
🚧 the damage done 🚽 299 words ➥ Wednesday, August 25, 2021 by: donnot
🚨 gaining the 🚀 542 words ➥ Thursday, August 25, 2022 by: donnot
😍 a new meaning 😍 608 words ➥ Friday, August 25, 2023 by: donnot
☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 2
1) If I were suddenly to become known, and (put into a position to)
conduct (a government) according to the Great Tao, what I should be
most afraid of would be a boastful display.