😲 living 😲
Posted: Wed, Oct 20, 2021 06:41:22 AM
my life by default, is something i CHOOSE not to do, these days. i certainly know i have said that before in the past, and i will, more than likely, repeat that statement again in the future. to be honest, this is a process, at least for me, and not an event, where i make the decision to make choices and <BOOM> it is done. after the year i have had and the choices i have had to make, a bit of freedom from choice, might be desired. i could then trip my way merrily down the path of blaming everyone and everything for anything that did not turn out as i desired. i know this as a fact, at least for me, as it was the manner in which i lived before i got clean.
as i have shed this particular behavior, bit by bit, layer by layer, i am still amazed when i stumble across myself, doing allowing events and others to make my choices for me. it often “feels” like the easier, softer way, BUT i always end up angry over the results, deriding myself for falling into that trap, once again, today, i am not “cool” with neither abdicating my responsibility nor beating myself up over doing so. just for today, i CHOOSE, to choose the course my day will take, by making the choices i have, as they are presented to me.
as i have shed this particular behavior, bit by bit, layer by layer, i am still amazed when i stumble across myself, doing allowing events and others to make my choices for me. it often “feels” like the easier, softer way, BUT i always end up angry over the results, deriding myself for falling into that trap, once again, today, i am not “cool” with neither abdicating my responsibility nor beating myself up over doing so. just for today, i CHOOSE, to choose the course my day will take, by making the choices i have, as they are presented to me.
∞ DT ∞