๐งฉ since coming to ๐งช
Posted: Mon, Jul 7, 2025 07:28:39 AM
in recovery, i have relationships with people whom i very likely would never even have met, let alone spent any time with, outside the rooms. in fact, most of those i now consider friends and confidants, would have been dismissed out of hand, as i would have judged them to be “weak and feeble.” i was after all, an equal opportunity hater, and if i could not dominate or at least appear to be better than someone, than it was time to “ex” them out of my life. my transformation was far from instantaneous and took a whole lot of work and more than a minute to be brought about, as i was never, ever going to stay clean for the rest of my life and the people in the rooms were just my stepping stones back to the life i had left behind.
i have yet to hear “my story” or even a few elements of it, in the rooms, BUT i have seen a shit ton of newcomers walk into the rooms and accept recovery, carrying the same set of attitude and behaviors, that i once had. i am grateful that i found a way through that wall and uncovered the connection i have with my peers in recovery. i, who never thought wanted any sort of connection with those in the world around me, now have the desire to fill my world with them. often, in the fellowship, my peers misinterpret my stoicism and cynicism for aloofness, and i and quite sure that was once exactly what i desired. today, i can still be cynical and stoic, but i have no desire to remain apart of the fellowship that has given me this new manner of living. i know that i DEPEND on being connected to those with whom i share recovery. even when i am afraid of revealing how much i need my peers and friends, especially when the part of me i call addiction, starts to tell me a story that i am now fixed and my recovery process is complete, i know that telling on myself, is the next correct action to commence.
once upon a time, i was a rock, an island, in a sea of humanity that seemed hostile and deadly to me. today, i am more like a peninsula in that same sea of turmoil and chaos. thanks to recovery, i am returning to my human condition and what that person ends up being, is still a mystery to me. i am, nevertheless, grateful for the opportunity i have been presented today, to be more than i ever was, just for today.
i have yet to hear “my story” or even a few elements of it, in the rooms, BUT i have seen a shit ton of newcomers walk into the rooms and accept recovery, carrying the same set of attitude and behaviors, that i once had. i am grateful that i found a way through that wall and uncovered the connection i have with my peers in recovery. i, who never thought wanted any sort of connection with those in the world around me, now have the desire to fill my world with them. often, in the fellowship, my peers misinterpret my stoicism and cynicism for aloofness, and i and quite sure that was once exactly what i desired. today, i can still be cynical and stoic, but i have no desire to remain apart of the fellowship that has given me this new manner of living. i know that i DEPEND on being connected to those with whom i share recovery. even when i am afraid of revealing how much i need my peers and friends, especially when the part of me i call addiction, starts to tell me a story that i am now fixed and my recovery process is complete, i know that telling on myself, is the next correct action to commence.
once upon a time, i was a rock, an island, in a sea of humanity that seemed hostile and deadly to me. today, i am more like a peninsula in that same sea of turmoil and chaos. thanks to recovery, i am returning to my human condition and what that person ends up being, is still a mystery to me. i am, nevertheless, grateful for the opportunity i have been presented today, to be more than i ever was, just for today.
∞ DT ∞