ฮผ a HIGHER POWER, not my own power, ฮผ
Posted: Fri, Jul 7, 2006 08:30:28 AM
is the source of the change that begins when i carry the message to a still-suffering addict.
even when that change is not readily apparent to me. after all, i can never accurately gauge the effect that i have when i share just the message of HOPE that was given to me, all those days ago. in fact, if you asked someone who saw me struggling at the end of my active addiction, and showing up at meetings, they may have told you that they thought i was beyond ever getting any sort of recovery, much less any clean time. i was a pretty tough nut to crack, in more ways than one!
so how exactly did the message that i too could get clean and find a new way to live sink in? well it certainly was no power of my own. left to my own devices i would be using today, or in prison, or dead, or in a institution locked up in some sort of semi-vegetative state. this i know to be true, because the one thing i could not believe back then, was that there was HOPE for even me. i thought this whole recovery gig was some kind of cruel hoax, foisted upon me by forces beyond my understanding. so even way back when, i was already looking at "higher powers," although not exactly the sort of power that would lead me to a life beyond my wildest imaginings. getting clean, growing in recovery and learning that there is more to life than getting and using and finding the ways to get more, is certainly a lot to HOPE for on any given day, and it is all i have to offer the still-suffering addict and i get to watch and see a POWER GREATER THAN ME work inn the lives of someone else, regardless of what my personal opinion is.
even when that change is not readily apparent to me. after all, i can never accurately gauge the effect that i have when i share just the message of HOPE that was given to me, all those days ago. in fact, if you asked someone who saw me struggling at the end of my active addiction, and showing up at meetings, they may have told you that they thought i was beyond ever getting any sort of recovery, much less any clean time. i was a pretty tough nut to crack, in more ways than one!
so how exactly did the message that i too could get clean and find a new way to live sink in? well it certainly was no power of my own. left to my own devices i would be using today, or in prison, or dead, or in a institution locked up in some sort of semi-vegetative state. this i know to be true, because the one thing i could not believe back then, was that there was HOPE for even me. i thought this whole recovery gig was some kind of cruel hoax, foisted upon me by forces beyond my understanding. so even way back when, i was already looking at "higher powers," although not exactly the sort of power that would lead me to a life beyond my wildest imaginings. getting clean, growing in recovery and learning that there is more to life than getting and using and finding the ways to get more, is certainly a lot to HOPE for on any given day, and it is all i have to offer the still-suffering addict and i get to watch and see a POWER GREATER THAN ME work inn the lives of someone else, regardless of what my personal opinion is.
∞ DT ∞