๐ considering what i ๐
Posted: Tue, Sep 2, 2025 11:33:43 AM
can change and what i cannot becomes increasingly powerful, as i stay clean and evolve in my recovery. as i started this little exercise, my sponse called and we talked about absolutely nothing, as if we were old friends. i am not used to be called my sponse, as my last one has kind of faded into the woodwork, after i decided that one way relationships were no longer in my wheelhouse. i find it a bit disconcerting to have my sponsor give me a jingle as that has not been part of my experience to date. when i consider what i feel, there is a warm spot as we build a friendship and and recovery relationship. it sort of inspires me to continue to make the same effort with the men who call me their sponse.
it is kind of sad when i consider the relationships i tossed away over the years for one reason or another. that is beyond my power to change and the remorse i feel today, is a reminder to make the most of those relationships i currently have in my life, by fostering communication both ways. this is one aspect in my life where i believe i can actually put forth the effort to affect change.
when i consider the binary choice presented by the Serenity Prayer, i sometimes get stuck in a recursive loop of overthinking what power i truly have. there are more than a few cases where i may have some ability to affect partial change and i keep wandering around in the uncertainty of whether or not i am willing to accept a partial solution, even it if it better than where i currently happen to be. life in that grey world between acceptance and action, sucks for me, and it was once what bothered me the most of coming to recovery and living a program: i wanted instant results and clear cut answers, not the ambivalence that life on its own terms throws at me. fortunately, i do not need to remain in that infinite loop for very long as i quickly reach the stopping condition of is this something that needs to be resolved in this instant. if it is, then go with what my gut is telling me to do and accept those results. if not, gather more information and reevaluate further down the road. perhaps that is the wisdom part of it after all.
it is kind of sad when i consider the relationships i tossed away over the years for one reason or another. that is beyond my power to change and the remorse i feel today, is a reminder to make the most of those relationships i currently have in my life, by fostering communication both ways. this is one aspect in my life where i believe i can actually put forth the effort to affect change.
when i consider the binary choice presented by the Serenity Prayer, i sometimes get stuck in a recursive loop of overthinking what power i truly have. there are more than a few cases where i may have some ability to affect partial change and i keep wandering around in the uncertainty of whether or not i am willing to accept a partial solution, even it if it better than where i currently happen to be. life in that grey world between acceptance and action, sucks for me, and it was once what bothered me the most of coming to recovery and living a program: i wanted instant results and clear cut answers, not the ambivalence that life on its own terms throws at me. fortunately, i do not need to remain in that infinite loop for very long as i quickly reach the stopping condition of is this something that needs to be resolved in this instant. if it is, then go with what my gut is telling me to do and accept those results. if not, gather more information and reevaluate further down the road. perhaps that is the wisdom part of it after all.
∞ DT ∞